Sunday, 5 August 2018

'Finding The GodSelf You' (Preface, Author's Introduction & Overture)


Inspiration for this book was derived from blessings afforded me by a dysfunctional childhood. If you find difficulty in reconciling with chaos as a charm, I beg you consider the relationship a rose might have with manure. Outlined in the pages to follow, a journey to define the true spirit of love. 

From the angry perch of a sociopath in training, to a miraculous state of absolute bliss, you will surely discover these pages hold a shocking metamorphosis of character.

In support of defining love, I invite you to share snippets of wisdom accumulated from intellectual giants whom, over millennia, have poked, sniffed or tasted love. Tempering esoteric knowledge with modern day science whilst adding a healthy dollop of logic, I believe a comprehensive look at love has been realised.

Beyond the knowledge of books, self reflection encourages me to share amusing anecdotes for how to effectively eradicate irksome personality foibles or deal with the monkey mind who takes pleasure in disrupting our quiet moments. 

If a philosophical wave suits your fancy, better relations with the monkey are needed, or you simply imagine it fun to groove out on the topic of love, then this book is sure to impress. I invite you, join me on a wild, zany, philo-spiritual ride to love's front door. 


Author's Introduction

This eve, cosily seated at my somewhat decrepit old desk, a fire crackling in the hearth, I am inspired to reflect upon the fruits of a life led in pursuit of love. With nothing more than flickers of a slow dancing fire to offer distraction, it is easy to appreciate diamonds whose light have so frequently coloured my world with spiritual joy. Adding flavour to this moment of counting blessings, I recognise, love proved a stranger for a great swath of my life.

Throughout a troubled youth, love appeared more as an alien from a distant planet than simply a character whose name I occasionally failed to recount. Without love, a child ends up wielding an imaginary shovel. Daily, the dark pit deepens. Each shovel load, another hit to a personality caught in a freefall of self depreciation. Years of turmoil coloured red by, Anger and Fear, my only trusty companions. Tightly holding hands, we three boiled with rage at innocent or convenient targets.

Childhood trauma had gifted me sufficient building blocks to manufacture considerable social dysfunction. Dissecting my troubled youth, I will attempt to share the emotional tenor, experiences and angst a budding sociopath endures while interfacing with 'normal people.' Incapable of loving the self, or benefiting from rewarding bonds with family or friends, life offers an endless buffet of social indigestion.

Tragic are the many missteps awaiting the child who, for whatever reason, fails to fit in well with others.

Reeling as a young adult in the throws of a desperate night, the timely emergence of pure love represented, for this lost lamb, a warm light. Where one moment indignation, anger, fear and  hopelessness prevailed, within the beat of a heart, tranquillity, peacefulness, at times even undiluted joy, had swept in for a visit. Entirely lit up, this high test introduction to love had kick started a lifelong search to define the spirit of love.

Slowly, but surely, my search would reveal how almost everything I believed about myself, as well my reality, would end turned upon its head.

Accordingly, this book will portray my journey from the depth of youthful despair, to the bliss of unity consciousness. Powerful as the 'awakening' was, I regretfully discovered my character would require many years of attention prior to successfully tipping scales of self hate toward self love. The trek proved difficult, results slow to arrive.

Dedicated learning, steady reflection, the persistence of an ass, all spiced by the passage of time had finally given rise to a life free from the shackles of fear. However grand was the sense of a greater self, without the hero of this tale, love, all efforts toward the ultimate salvation of my spirit would have been for nought.

Through the infinite power of love I was reborn into the realisation my true identity, as well yours, is that of an eternal GodSelf child.

With the speed and agility of a slimy slug, the 'awakening' had launched me on a path out of the proverbial pit of despair. Many years later, having witnessed miracles, learned lessons, amassed insight, I found myself afforded a second glimpse of unconditional love. Salvation at last, uninhibited by doubt of my spiritual identity, I was free to undertake the glorious task of releasing the deepest scars of self hate. Finally, I had the tools to heal the trauma of a shattered past. Love was making me whole.

Love does conquer all!

My wish is to share a philo-spiritual map for your consideration. Wisdom accrued from a wealth of great thinkers who eloquently espouse psychological, theological, spiritual, scientific, philosophical and shamanic references to the character of love. Tempering traditional esoteric knowledge in the forge of modern science, I hope a generous dollop of logic might allow me to carve footholds up Love mountain. Although books provide beautiful gifts. Spiritual or psychological inroads are not always gleaned from literary reference alone.

The process of searching for love requires considerable self reflection. By example, my life drastically changed when finally I decided to pay attention to the mumblings of my mind, or shall I say monkey mind. Utterly flabbergasted were my sentiments when first realising how much fear covertly echoed in the backdrop of my subconscious. Faithfully tasking a part of my psyche as the steadfast 'Observer' of mind chatter, allowed me to mute the damage orchestrated daily by the little voice who had no name.

Even while the ObserverSelf toiled, negativity, escaping the darkened recesses of my mind, still found a home in my subconscious. However persistent was the monkey mind, my ObserverSelf could now, at the very least, hold forth each rant as an opportunity to convert toxic waste into a learning lesson. Thus, where once my restless mind could only invoke social upheaval, in time, the cantankerous monkey, in service of the ObserverSelf, proved a valuable asset for navigating the road to heightened self awareness.

Alchemy of the heart, manure raises the rose, vinegar magically transforms into honey.

How do you deal with the voice in your head?

Certainly, it is not easy to effectively manage the magical monkey as he paints a dramatic tableaux upon the blank canvases of your perception. Trust me when I suggest, with patient awareness, you too can forge a positive working relationship with your monkey mind. Considering the power our derisive partner has to wreak maya in our lives, I find it incomprehensible how anyone could afford to idly ignore its presence.

Freshly paved psychoanalytic surfaces similar to encouraging a friendship with my monkey mind or introducing an observant ally, each. in their own way and time helped me tame rough emotional waters. In the event a lesson was missed I could, at the very least, find myself present.

Chasing love with dreams for a better tomorrow. The butterfly emerges from a cocoon to witness, for the first time, glorious rays of sunlight. Realising my good fortune, I can't help but imagine how my life might have turned out if I never escaped the angry, hateful pit of fear. Each day, as I discover a deeper acquaintance with love, my life sweetens.

Herein lies the primary reason I feel compelled to share my story of psycho-spiritual salvation. Appreciating the value of each tiny morsel of knowledge, I am excited by the mere thought of how, within these lines, a budding spiritualist might discover a sliver of light. Indeed, I would feel magically blessed if somehow this book offered a modicum of peace or hope to one who struggles with a severe personality disorder.

Mostly, if you hate yourself, I completely understand the depth of your plight. Unreservedly, I hope this book has illustrated for you, the best way to hunt the beast within might be to listen to its pernicious voice. When you hear it rant, try to remember, the magical monkey is just dancing with you, it wants to teach a lesson.   

For me, as for you, love promises a richer, more peaceful tomorrow.

I wonder, what would the world look like if we all believed love was all there is?

Join me at the esoteric intersection where science, spirituality and philosophy meet for a coffee and a burger. Let's see if we can't figure out a little more about this thing of ours, this thing we call love.

I dedicate this book to my dear mother Bernice, a beautiful spirit whose light forever brightens my path.


Love a journey toward an indefinable destination.
Saharan mirage is love, tantalisingly, she rests against an intangible horizon.
Subdued voices continue to echo the promise of a glorious oasis, the dream.
Dancing upon an Eastern horizon, light patiently attends the arrival of darkness.

Tread weary asses  carve another solitary path through starlit dunes.
Grains of sand relentlessly etch grooves in the wheel bearings of my lifelong pursuit.
Rickety is the wobbling carriage, ever still the awakening of my soul remains elusive.
Nonetheless, in the adjacent seat I see hope remains a steadfast companion.

Fear holds the reins, he resists love who has whispered the hint of a new path.
Courting the vision of light fantastic, wheels have carved in the sand traces of oft formed circles.
Unchallenged is the ultimate destination, yet, I see treasure has been unearthed.
Strewn about restless dunes, diamonds caress the dim light of a quietly fading moon.

Years later, snow draped across the mountaintop, these jewels speak of a magical simplicity.
Begging my consideration, each diamond points directly at unity consciousness.
Division holds no sway in the moment I have become, another point of you, a singularity.
Compassionately, love offers a gentle hand to fear... they embrace.

Saturday, 14 July 2018

Dearest Mother

Love, your journey toward an indefinable destination.
Subdued voices echo the promise of a glorious oasis.
Mirages breathing life into intangible horizons.
All the while, dancing light dispels darkness within.

Tread weary asses carve a solitary path through moonlit dunes.
Ever still, the ultimate nourishment remains elusive.
Grains of sand etch grooves in the wheel bearings of your life.
All the while, dancing light dispels darkness within.

Rickety is the rotting carriage underfoot.
Hope, a steadfast companion quietly wilting by your side.
Sandy tracks betray a legacy of oft formed circles.
All the while, dancing light dispels darkness within.

Love holds sway over the reins of chaos.
Storms rise, dunes shift, a windswept route awaits.
Whispers are uttered, there... there lies your new path.
All the while, dancing light dispels darkness within.

Unrealised desires, yet a journey offering untold treasure.
Strewn about lonely dunes are roughened diamonds.
Facets caress the dim light of a quietly fading moon.
All the while, dancing light dispels darkness within.

Jewels, cast upon the sand, beg your consideration.
Lessons, simple to grasp, near impossible to hold.
Reaching for a star, fear prances wildly in the arms of love.
All the while, dancing light dispels darkness within.

Your tattered map, bony finger resting upon the faded X.
Always seeking, never holding the grail to your chest.
Lamentations in care of an unresolved destination.
All the while, dancing light dispels darkness within.

Asses released, carriage abandoned, you must journey alone.
Footprints betray your persistence, gently nudging the night sky.
Alas, the rising sun reveals your truth, a vision of golden light.
All the while, dancing light dispels darkness within

Divine is the beauty of your silent presence
Knowledge more difficult to own than a puff of smoke
Truth, acceptance, your beacon I shall follow.
All the while, your dancing light dispels the darkness within me.

Tuesday, 12 December 2017

'Seeing' Perfection, part 2

Embracing Duality:

Humanity need only glance at our world to accept the nature of reality as dualistic. After all, in the absence of dualism, we could hardly be distracted by preference nor empowered from a plethora of personal choice. For most of us, the window to duality encourages an endless stream of likes countered by an equal share of dislikes.

Naturally, we each have a tendency to divide our entire reality on a good versus bad scale. Never do we use critical thinking to examine the validity of our role as consummate judge. Surely, we might make headway merely by paying attention to our behaviour.

Why do we behave in this judgemental manner?

Perhaps, the simplest answer to this query follows in the fact this is the way we have been taught to experience, then reflect upon, our existence. Although many of us are; compassionate, giving, or loving individuals, we do live our life from an egocentric position. By and large, this judgemental perspective proves valuable when considering; survival, hedonism or self fulfilment. However, as a society, it's worth asking. 

Are there potential drawbacks to an egocentric lifestyle? 

Moreover, do said drawbacks limit the advancement of harmonious living on a personal, community, national or global stage?

Possibly, we might consider holstering the metaphoric gun of judgement to determine how our behaviour is affecting our lives. Prior to evaluating the benefits or drawbacks of our actions, we need establish an honest appraisal of the way humans navigate through this complex reality called consciousness.

The moment we place a morsel in our mouth, we already have an archived barometer of whether the experience will be desirable. If we are testing out a new food, we will automatically update our archive for future reference. Judging the good / bad experience of biting into the next morsel, many variables evaluated might include; health, pleasure or taste. 

In time, the entire realm of potential food and beverage offerings will have been self scaled from good to bad, acceptable or undesirable.

Meeting someone for the first time, we will unconsciously spend the first few moments evaluating their appearance, demeanour, sexuality, character, along with a host of other subconsciously graded assessments. Do I like this individual? Does this person make me feel good or bad? Will their appearance in my life lift or diminish my status? What personal benefits or drawbacks might manifest if I further encourage relations with this person? 

Essentially, we are attempting to judge if the person before us will prove to represent an asset or liability. 

Examining the events of our life, personal or third party, we cannot help but evaluate their impact upon us. Am I aligned with conservative or liberal politics? What is my opinion of Donald Trump? How do I react to war, religion, government, authority, or the bugger who just kicked me in the pants? 

Nearly every waking moment, we consciously or subconsciously evaluate the minutia of our reality. Without reservation, we create the grand hierarchy of good and bad. If there is one word which best describes the behaviour of a human being, I believe the word would be JUDGE. We just cannot help ourselves! There seems no end in sight. Think about the way you conduct your life. 

Do you spend more time eating, working, sleeping, relaxing or judging? 

If honest, I trust you will agree, more of your brain energy is spent judging your world than conducting any other activity. The role of judge is ubiquitous, so utterly pervasive it represents one of the most invisible aspects of our identity. Hiding in plain sight the eternal judge rules over our world, yet, we need look closely to observe the full extent of its role in our daily life.

Ponder this, you wake, the first impression to cross your mind is your state of being. Do I feel well? Have I rested enough? Am I looking forward to, or dreading, the day ahead? How is the weather? Is the shower temperature, pleasing? How is my breakfast? Is the traffic tediously heavy or pleasantly light? Will the rain stop or continue? 

The list of appraisals never end; a habit most often unconsciously manifest. For the most part, we prove incapable of connecting with the judgemental thought process. It's just a little voice in the back of your mind always; collecting, evaluating, processing, then archiving, an endless stream of data.

By example, on the drive to work are you aware, the amount of red lights, the actions of other drivers, the weather, even the music on the radio, are all things which you are continually evaluating. 

If you suggest this is not the case, then, I urge you to consider how you will react to the next obnoxious driver, annoying song, pounding rain. Do you not agree, hitting every single red light on the way to work tomorrow, will cause angst? Try as you might to list all grievances chaffing at your collar, surely, you will miss most. 

Regardless of how comprehensive your list. Can you see, only the tip of a very large iceberg has been revealed?

Countless other variables are being evaluated during the half hour drive to work. Happenings, which you will unconsciously assess as either good or bad, right or wrong.

The good/bad scale exists in your mind. However, this does not mean you need be an emotional victim. Instead, you can choose to let the baggage fall to the ground, then accept whatever outcome might come to pass.  

What gains can be discovered from dropping the baggage of judgement?

For many people, the steady but relentless evaluation of all life experience plays havoc with their sense of peace, fulfilment, joy. Unbeknown to these poor souls, their heart rate jumps up and down like a Mexican bouncing bean. They feel angst, discomfort, imbalance.

Dis ease with reality. 

We wonder why cancer is on the rise. Who points the finger at the judge within? 

The little voice, representing a barrage; unspoken discomfort, unhappiness. Malcontent, might be the real harbinger of rapid cancer cell growth. People, who constantly live at odds with the world, end up paying a hefty toll in impaired health. Obviously, if we spend our entire life swimming upstream, it is reasonable to assume we will become tired, depleted, worn right out.         

Possibility, your life is perfect. Not my problem, you say. Maybe, you believe living in a constant state of judgement makes your life better. More case, you bear the angst, then silently suffer the fallout. Never imagining for a moment how the root of your ill health is a result of the judgemental role you just cannot find a way to release. Severely disheartened by the void between the vision of a perfect life, weighed against the reality you experience, the cancer cells quietly manifest.

First hand, I have seen this happen. My mother, at a young age died of cancer, of which, I am certain was manifest from having to experience a life which was too far removed from the one she wished to realise. Of course, cancer is merely one outlet for the dis ease of mankind. Heart, pulmonary and neurological diseases are other common end games to the dis ease which afflicts you.

Western medicine, with its limited perspective of cause and effect, often attribute the dis ease of well being to stress. Your doctor, as part of her assessment, might ask you. How stressful is your life? Instead, she could say; how are you managing the difference between your desired reality and the life you presently experience?

Eastern philosophy, much more adept at reaching for causation, will seek to balance your chi as a means to eradicate your sense of dis ease with life. Chinese medicine, by focusing on one’s emotional energy, offer their patients a broader compliment of medical solutions. 

The physiological health of the body is directly related to the psychological health of ones' mind, evaluations and remedies must incorporate both the physical and subtle bodies.   
Successfully managing the gap between desired and realised reality is an essential ingredient to good health. 

The mental gymnastics of judgement makes life harder to endure. Each time we judge, we find ourselves farther afield from a happy life. Seriously, it can't be a surprise to discover judgement is silently wreaking considerable havoc with your life. For any of us, if the true depth of emotional despair were revealed, the findings would be shocking.
Accepting the line of reasoning I advocate. Then, two questions of importance arise. 

Is it possible to step off the hamster wheel of judgement? 

How can I better manage my life?     

To answer the first question, the old saying "I have good news and bad" seems rather apropos. Good news, you certainly can reverse the process of eternally judging your reality. Bad news, you will have to dispel a lifetime of habit which is so ingrained the judgemental process unconsciously rules the day.

Prior to solving the dilemma of judgement, you will first need to realise reality exists in a state of perfection. I am sure you will agree, this will not be an easy nut to crack! Non-duality, in the realm of spiritualism, is the term most often used to illustrate this drive toward harmonic living. Non-duality, contrary to the moniker, is not about denying duality. Rather, it is about accepting, even loving, all aspects of duality, all events which comprises ones' life.

Let's take a glance at how this, laissez faire, philosophy can be either easy or hard to apply. There are Brussel sprouts as there are carrots. I may prefer carrots, I may choose carrots; however, it will not serve me well to suggest Brussel sprouts are bad. There is the perfect drive to work, or the reckless driver who smacks into my car. I may prefer to enjoy a perfect drive, I may choose a perfect drive. However, the moment I deem a reckless driver slamming into my car as bad, I will have invalidated a portion of my reality. In turn, a portion of God becomes diminished.

Surely, it is much easier to deal with a plate of Brussel sprouts, juxtaposed to a painfully horrific accident. Yet, we can easily determine how both eventualities can cause us grief. The scale of the grief suffered is significantly different in degree. However, similar is the internalisation of malcontent, the dis ease with the outcome life had provided. 

Which has the greater impact; the Brussel sprouts or the horrific accident?

May I suggest, neither. Both represent dis ease with your present reality. Dis ease may present itself on a small or grand scale, either way, it is detrimental to your well being.

When living within the realm of non-duality, the adherent realises it is essential life be comprised of dualism. Certainly, there is nothing wrong with our preferences naturally expanding into the choices we make. We go off track, when we insist the reality we receive is not acceptable. If we demand carrots for every meal, or a perfect drive each time we enter our vehicle, we deny the important role duality plays in our experience of reality. 

The more we use judgement to fight our reality, the more we find dis ease will affect our health. For, in the absence of duality, there are no carrots, cars, preferences nor choices. Eliminate duality, a pool of nothingness will remain. 

Would you rather duality or nothingness? Hint, you cannot have both.

Dualism affords humans the chance to exercise their sense of self. From the preferences we covet, to the choices we make, each of us create a special, unique persona. Terrific, individual snowflakes rejoicing in GodSelf beingness. 

Imagine how bland a world would be if we each were carbon copies. Each, regurgitating the same catalogue of preferences, reaching for identical life experiences. For one to experience up, there must be a down from which to choose. 

Love cannot become manifest, nor appreciated, if fear were not present to provide contrast. Every person, event and experience must have their own seat on the bus. For the vantage of duality, the beggar contrasts the billionaire, the murdered serves a purpose equally as important as does the victim or the doctor who might intervene. 

All manifest reality is God. Therefore, all reality is equally worthy of our love, especially the things we might label as bad.

Non-dualism, is discovered only when we release the habit of judging one aspect of GodSelf reality as better or worse than another. Preferences, along with choice, empowers our EgoSelf spirit. However, the judgements predicating choice, will always devalue our true GodSelf identity. 

Constantly, aspects of our reality we choose to label of bad, diminish the GodSelf. However, this need no be the case. We can embrace our preferences while we, at the same time, choose to love, honour and respect what we once deemed contrary. The process of releasing judgement will inevitably lead to unconditional love which, as far as I am concerned, is a beautiful destination. 

The void, between desired and experienced reality, need not exist. Dismiss the urge to judge, the gap will then shrink. Entirely eliminate judgement, then you will finally discover absolute truth. Holding the truth of love in your heart, the preferred reality will always be the one which you presently experience. 

Sliding a powerful thread of singularity through the fabric of my life, I am blessed with love. 

Often, during the day I reflect upon an experience, remembering, this too is God. The ideal, experiencing life as a simple leaf, effortlessly giving the river its will. 

When we resist the urge to divide reality, the present will always unravel as an amazingly beautiful GodSelf gift.   

Placing the proverbial gun of judgement in its holster, may not prove an enviable, nor easy, task. Yet, from the perspective eradicating the dis ease within, living free of judgement should be considered an imperative. With this goal in mind, we address the second query.

How can I better manage my life?

Unless you are a spiritual master, of which I believe none of us qualify, the path toward reason represents a slow but steady transition. The role of judge is so invisibly pervasive, the journey toward freedom from dis ease will constitute many steps. Surely, as we progress up the spiritual mountain, we should accept our gains will be tempered by slips and falls. 

The burden of change is enormous. Each successful war contains, within, many lost battles.

Having endured years of failure in trying to live a life free of judgement, there are a few bits of beef jerky I can toss your way which might add some energy to your pursuit. Free from expectation, devoid of resistance, I can choose to accept, cherish, then love whatever blessing each moment might afford. While identifying with personal preferences I can still choose to love, honour, then value whatever reality might unfold.

In choosing this course of action, I no longer negatively identify with Donald Trump, the murderer, starvation or the desperate planet as bad outcomes. Instead, I see duality unfolding, then choose to see the totality of my reality with fresh GodSelf eyes. This single choice, if maintained, will lead me to peace, love and contentment.

The burden of good/bad, along with the concept of a messed-up world will vanish, thereby, allowing me to miraculously release the dis ease of my life. In time, it will become easier to let go of the ill feelings I have toward the vast amount of experienced reality which starkly contrasts my bucket of preference.

Choosing to release judgement will magically transform you into an amazing spiritual alchemist. Grabbing a heart full of unconscious fear, you will consciously transform the energy into love. 

How beautiful, alchemy, a medicine for curing dis ease.

Perhaps you disagree? Possibly you see the task as inane, or impossible? You could be thinking. Easy enough to say Christopher, but what would you do if someone murdered your child? 

Answering this question, it is likely I would want to kill a person for such a horrible act. 
However, I could also remind you, it is in my power to choose another path. I might grab a hold of philosophy, then, remember death is an illusion. With luck, I would choose to live within the loving spirit of non-duality. Then again, I might purchase a shotgun and blow his sorry ass out of existence.

Mostly, I would hope, before acting I remembered all manifest reality is God in disguise. Knowing, God cannot exist within the box of good or bad, right or wrong, there is a chance I could have offered the murder love. If luck were with me, I would have 'seen' the murderer, my child, myself, are all beautiful, unique reflections of GodSelf. 

Finally, after many days of grieving the loss of my child, I might grab a hold of the ultimate rock of truth. GodSelf can never be divided. Holding dearly to the philosophy of singularity, I might then validate, cherish and even choose to love all which has or will manifest. 

When we truly accept all manifest reality is GodSelf, we agree, it is senseless to diminish any portion of reality makes up the greater GodSelf. My preference is toward love, I do not choose to be a murderer. This, in no way, suggests I cannot accept, value, even love, the GodSelf beings who take life. 

My life has been littered with countless choices of which I regret choices made without consideration of GodSelf truth. None more debilitating or dis ease rendering than being directly responsible for taking the life of three young African men. None of these beautiful men enjoyed the full life of which I have been so blessed. In the moment of EgoSelf battle, I believed my choices had merit. Hindsight, in the light of Godself truth, proved otherwise. 

The burden of taking life is nearly insurmountable. Still, I assure you, the dis ease of living with such a heinous choice can be eased by the unconditional love of GodSelf.

Having the capacity to see your world in a light of absolute perfection will not guarantee you a ticket on the train leaving the town of judgement. Even if you embrace a GodSelf philosophy of unconditional love (which is so hard to accomplish), you will discover the clear majority of your life will be filtered through EgoSelf glasses.

Dis ease will always be rampant in your life. Believing survival is real, we are hardwired to judge, fear, hate, then perpetually struggle. There is good reason for the monk to eliminate all outside influence. They know very well; how difficult it is living a GodSelf life.

I do not believe we are meant to exist in solitude. 

I strongly feel we are meant to discover the GodSelf from the perspective of community. Perhaps, being inundated by EgoSelf reflections is the quickest route to our GodSelf identity. 

The upside-down reflection of EgoSelf is undoubtedly the only place for GodSelf truth to be honed. Like a whetstone, the EgoSelf continually lays itself bare to offer a chance for the sharpening of GodSelf living. Truth is best made available when we use philosophy to wipe ourselves clean after romping around in the muddy EgoSelf hole. Over and again, the process of falling in the mud, then cleansing the body, accelerates our path toward GodSelf living.

Essentially, we are designed to fail. Each failure, offers a new path toward our next success. Perhaps, you will experience life in a similar fashion as do I. Whereby, you feel like you are two people in one body. 

The EgoSelf man, constantly judging everything within the scope of reality. The GodSelf man, accepting all manifest reality as a reflection of perfection.

If you arrive at this destination. You will likely discover; the greatest part of your life is lived with the glasses of EgoSelf littering your world with deception. In this light, the smallest part of your life will be spent basking in the glory of your GodSelf philosophy. Even with the chains of EgoSelf deceiving you, respite can be realised the moment you choose to don the GodSelf glasses. 

Take comfort in knowing, the power of GodSelf has much more influence than does the illusions promoted by EgoSelf. Short lived isolated moments where we live with GodSelf truth seem capable of dispelling a lifetime of illusion fed by our EgoSelf reality. So often, spiritualists suggest; it is important to eliminate the EgoSelf. 

I strongly disagree!

We serve ourselves well when we accept, love, then give thanks to the lessons and illusions offered by the EgoSelf. For, each time the EgoSelf slices up reality, we are given a chance to deny the illusion. Instead of realising fear, we think of the GodSelf while redefining reality from a perspective of singularity. 

The more lessons taught by EgoSelf, the greater chance we have to embrace truth. Holding absolute perfection close to heart, let us smile when the EgoSelf monkey dons his garb. He may still grab his tambourine while dancing a jig in our reality, but we will know it's all illusion. 

When I find myself judging reality, I often laugh at the monkey knowing he has me dancing to the EgoSelf tune. The dance, his playful way of teaching me anew, hey Christopher, pay attention to the philosophy of GodSelf truth.

Non-duality, is a beautiful vision which will surely be kiboshed when witnessed through EgoSelf glasses. Lose sight of truth, but smile as you hold the monkey. When the dance is over, give thanks in knowing your sense of imperfection was another beautiful rendition of perfection. 

After all, perfection is in the eye of the beholder. Like the GodSelf, perfection always exists but rarely is it 'seen'. 

We, as spiritualists, learn to strive for non-duality. Moreover, we understand non-duality is, always will be, our identity. If you feel unsuccessful in embracing non-duality, remember you are God. GodSelf simply cannot make a misstep. Thought to consider.

Is it not possible all experiential reality is perfect?

Unity Consciousness:

Those inclined toward a spiritual, non-religious, pursuit of philosophy will have an easier time grasping the concept of unity consciousness. Regardless of how excruciatingly difficult it is to understand the ideology of unification, trying to embrace a basic concept of unity will prove an essential cornerstone toward the destination of seeing reality as a function of absolute, unequivocal perfection.

Religion has taught humanity to adhere to the concept of a God who created the universe. Whether our religion speaks of; Buddha, Jesus, Mohammad, or any other religious icon, those who are religious collectively agree it is God who made each of us. When I discuss unity consciousness with people of religion, I find their sense of unity equates to the accepted belief God 'created' you and I both, therefore, we are one.

This, limited understanding of unity as a function of being 'created' by God, will not further ones' ability to fully grasp unity consciousness. In fact, a religious belief structure only serves to muddy the waters of this esoteric principal. What if, we look at unity consciousness from a scientific perspective, whereby, we consider unity in the way Einstein would. 

Physics offers a far better vehicle toward unity consciousness than does religion. With the following quote, Einstein proffers a concise description of the experience we call reality.

Without exception, all quantum physicists agree our reality is best defined as a holographic illusion. We appear to exist as separate beings marching through time and space. However; time, space, along with the physical representation of individuality, is nothing more than a very convincing illusion. Each moment of our collective existence we literally create ourselves, as well as our world, anew. 

Positioned as observers, we eternally create reality from a well of infinite possibility. The wave becomes a point, which in turn, initiates a physical illusion.

If a philosopher were to sit down with a physicist over a cup of coffee, their objective being to define who we are, then, there is only one logical conclusion upon which they would arrive. Each of us, are God living within a reality of our own creation. Don Juan Matus refers to this illusion as "controlled folly". I like don Juan's description as it mixes the nagual and tonal plains together.

Undoubtedly, all manifest reality is a holographic image of God experiencing the beingness of God. From the perspective of science, observing the atom proves everything must be a singularity. The philosopher will aver, there is nothing which is not God. Therefore, when a philosopher and scientist both reach for unity, they tackle the subject from different angles. Unfortunately, both perspectives are rather sublime, therefore the average human is still unable to guide their life under the aegis of these valuable insights. 

I am you, you are me, we only appear separate from each other. The truth is, we are one.

The distinction we draw from this appraisal of self, teaches us, God cannot be separate from self. God must represent our true identity. Therefore, God did not create the universe.

God has become the universe!


This esoteric conceptualization of GodSelf reality is so hard to fully comprehend, yet invaluable for those who wish to advance their spiritual truth. Irrespective of spiritual diamonds left on the beach, humanity would be terribly offended by the mere suggestion our true identity is God. 

Blasphemy, for anyone conceited enough to even suggest we mortal humans create the universe from nothingness. Insanity, for anyone to believe we are immortal Gods existing in a playground of our own creation. Some believe heretics, like me, need be crushed. Our philosophical, scientific and spiritual voices forever silenced. 

Yet, I ask myself. What is there to fear? 

Other folks, looking at their world through a wider lens, might comprehend the concept of a holographic world. However wide we choose to open our eyes, everyone will find it difficult to identity themselves as the eternal Gods they are. Very few people find it possible to confidently stand against the worldview of the creator God. 

Who, other than scientists, see time and space as an illusion? 

Who amongst us could imagine reality is an eternal, self manifest, experience?

Even if one were to accept the logic of this philosophy, the ability to carry the message in the heart is nigh on impossible. The reason being, our five senses speak of an entirely different reality than the one painted by yours truly. 

You and I appear as separate beings. Surely, we must live in a physical world. Impossible to even imagine we are the creators of this world. Absolutely insane to ideate the self as an eternal GodSelf being. The filter of EgoSelf absolutely prohibits the Godself from shining.

Unfortunately, if we are to have any prayer of believing all manifest reality is perfect, we must be able to infuse our heart with the message of unity consciousness. When our hearts 'see' truth, we are then able to stand firm against the vast wealth of EgoSelf information eternally convincing us we are separate from our brethren, separate from the playground we inhabit.

Taking a giant leap to mentally believe in the truth of unity consciousness, will not fully expose the GodSelf. The mind thinks, whilst the heart knows. Therefore, when we believe only with the mind, we discover doubt inevitably will erode the strength of our philosophical steel. 

The heart, acts upon our philosophy like the heat of a forge, tempering the steel of our convictions. 

Philosophy, embraced by the heart, allows us to cut away at illusion, rebuff the naysayer within. The philosophical and scientific blades tempered by the heart will always hold their GodSelf edge. 

Why has this knowledge not changed the world?

Embracing the knowledge of GodSelf, how does our world change? 

What implications does unity consciousness offer those of us who want to 'see' perfection?     
From my perspective, unity consciousness is a very easy concept to grasp. However, I do appreciate I have been blessed by countless beautiful points of literary reference. The oldest reference to unity consciousness I discovered when reading Eastern philosophy in the form of The Vedas. 

Across all religious texts, there are references tied into the theology of singularity. However, when Jesus suggested 'I am that' or 'we are all the sons of God' the concept is presented from a clouded version of God creating the universe, not God becoming consciousness. 

Great shaman, like don Juan, present unity consciousness with their own beautiful flavour. Additionally, almost all first nations peoples believe in the ultimate unified connection of humanity with nature and the stars. Countless philosophers, too many to mention, also point toward unity consciousness as the core of their entire belief structure. 

In the light of such esteemed knowledge, how could one refute consensus sourced from; science, spirituality, religion and philosophy, all of which spans 3,200 years? Over and again, the same message prevailed, leaving me absolutely humbled by the impression of continuity. Of course, I believed in unity consciousness. 

Who could be so arrogant to deny a voice repeatedly trumpeted over aeons of time?

Yet, the difference between endorsing a concept with the mind, juxtaposed to embracing it with the heart, is akin to a preschooler attending a lecture in quantum physics. Luckily for me, I took hold of the urging of don Juan who pushed Castaneda toward shamanism. For, in the cocoon of a shamanistic ritual, I was far enough removed from the EgoSelf to allow for a blissful experience unity consciousness.

Although the tonic of truth is significantly more powerful when consumed by the heart, in no way is the impact this knowledge insignificant for those who mentally capture the truth of unity. Rest assured, your reality will greatly change the moment you imagine yourself as a GodSelf being who eternally creates reality in the NOW moment.

Loving your brethren, releasing judgement, letting go of the good versus bad paradigm, joyful living, are just some of the many benefits one will acquire through the GodSelf filter of unity. Contrary to the way we presently allow fear to limit our commune with life, understanding reality as a unified experience enables us to guide our choices with love as the basis for living. 

Although many of the core fear paradigms like; death, insufficiency, hate, want, sickness, judgement and envy are not entirely dispelled, they are significantly easier to manage when immersed in the loving sense of unification. Slowly, we grasp the understanding of life; we each are divine creators. In 'seeing' the light, we move away from the tendency to cast blame, the impulse to get even. or the sense we must continually hold strong to our opinions, beliefs and desires. 

Equally valuable is the chance for us to advance a philosophy where GodSelf truth is at the core. Holding the vision of GodSelf, our natural tendency will be to articulate a lifestyle honouring our newly found belief structure. We look for ways to sequester ourselves from the old fear based habits which we know no longer support our new sense of self. 

Finally, we come to grasp how the world experienced through the filter of EgoSelf is, by definition, illusory. Standing in the false world we once believed was real, we are then inclined to ferret out the manifest thoughts, actions which have, until now, kept us from unconditionally loving the self. 

Essentially, embracing unity consciousness, from the mind or heart, will result in the hourglass being turned right side up. Slowly, our sense of what is real will begin to take a new form. The discovery of a new self will reveal a vibrant truth whilst dispelling the effects of the EgoSelf life we once led. 

How massive an understatement it is to suggest your world will change when eradicating EgoSelf illusion in favour of GodSelf living. Like Alice in Wonderland, we will dust off the dirt ready for an entirely new perspective. Your new life will be so wildly apposed to the reality of everyone you know, you find yourself wondering. 

How is it possible, until now, I have been denied this beautiful truth?

Sooner or later, a question will pique your sensibilities. If all is God, then is it not logical to assume, all manifest reality must be absolutely perfect?

There is the rub, the thief, the murderer, the planet falling apart at the seams, the lonely braggart, the rapist, all global chaos, now considered exquisitely awesome manifestations of a GodSelf singularity. The only logical conclusion will be to choose a path which loves, honours, deifies all manifest reality. 

Dualism is dancing with itself in perfect harmony, each step is absolute divinity. 

The scales of justice are released, nothing is deemed good nor bad, right nor wrong. Everything is worthy of love, respect, honour. All is cherished, accepted, loved, embraced. Forgiveness has no meaning when we see all manifest reality as an eternal dance of GodSelf energy. 

This does not mean we will choose to murder, rape or steal from our brethren, nor do we haphazardly deface our planet. Quite the opposite, the GodSelf will respect, love and accept all we experience. Knowing the self as God, holding our brethren in the light of God will encourage us toward a life which honours the higher self. My philosophical and spiritual hero don Juan sums it up best. 

Strive to always live life as an impeccable spiritual warrior.

From my humble vantage point, being impeccable simply means choosing love over fear. We are God, we are love. Under the cloak of unity consciousness, we take shelter from the illusions of EgoSelf. 

In doing so, we find love is all there is. By extension, all else must be illusion.

Sunday, 26 November 2017

'Seeing' Perfection... Part 1

Conviction, sure as the sun sets in the west, we humans seem willing to hold dear to the inherent righteousness of acquired knowledge. Who among us would be brave enough to speculate whether one plus one amounts to two. 

 Would we be wrong to suspect, as we age, our sense of conviction in the things we believe to be true would become heightened? Yet, the older I get, the more deeply humbled I am to realise conviction exists as an obvious state of diminishing returns. 

The process of slowly accepting my infinite ignorance reminds me of the path a river takes to the ocean. Tumultuous in its youth, the river brashly pushes obstacles aside. Crystal clear icy mountain waters run wild, untamed, certain of the charted path. The river bed, like the river itself, is rocky, hard, unyielding, impenetrable.

When young, I was confident in knowledge. Whatever I knew, certainly was fact.   

Peacefully, the old river abandons its path to accommodate the very obstacles it once hastily obliterated. Clear waters have become opaque as the soil of a supple river bottom blends with slowly moving waters. Quietly, the river snakes through marshy floodplains prior to arriving at an unfathomable singularity of being.

Presently, my relationship with knowledge has been turned on it head so many times, I feel caught in a blender.   

Absolutes, I once considered irrefutable, have now transitioned into a sloppy glob of grey matter. Discovering how little I know, has left me holding an empirical bag of nothingness. Conviction itself, in my mind at least, seems to have died the death of a thousand cuts. Slowly, I have been forced to accept the realisation there is absolutely nothing of which I am unequivocally confident.

If existence is a singularity, then, can we not extrapolate that one plus one equals one? There was a time, not long past, when, I whittled down my sense of truth to one single defensible fact.

I do exist!

The fact I exist, seemed a valuable tidbit of knowledge upon which I could hang my hat.
 However, standing in the shower this morning, I thought to myself; if life is an eternal holographic illusion, then is there ever a point of nonexistence? 

Without a reference for non-existence, can we not assume our conceptualisation of existence, at best, remains flawed. After all, if we have no contrast for the position of existence, then, do we really exist? Or, is it possible existence is the singular, de-facto, expression of God? 

Does God have an off switch? As suggested by the Upanishads, the Gita or countless other scientific, spiritual or philosophical offerings we might recall.

Our sense of reality, as well, our use of language, are both predicated upon contrast. Hot offers up cold as its companion. Up relies upon down to give it a sense of meaningfulness. With this measuring stick, might we reasonably suggest existence must be defined against death or non-existence. If we further argue, death to be an illusion, then what meaning does the definition of existence offer?


I digress. However, I do so with cause. For, as I trespass down the imminent philosophical river ahead, prior to our tumble over the falls, I think it worthwhile to emphasis my great wealth of ignorance. There is a significant upside to realising one’s limitations of intelligence. Wherefore, one no longer feels compelled to hold fast to philosophical assertions. In effect, I am not saying I know what I say is truth. Rather, it is only my sense of truth. Likely, a few years from now, this truth will magically transform into sloppy grey matter.

Herein, appropriately applied, the quote from the famous late Sergeant Schultz of Hogan's Heroes. 

"I know nothing!"  

Moving forward, the destination I wish to consider journeying toward with this essay is one which I have entitled 'The Illusion of Imperfection'. Subject matter, such as this, proves so foreign to most of us I thought it prudent to not challenge your opinion. Like a leaf upon the river, I merely wish to navigate my philosophical vessel toward the sea. Accordingly positioned, might you join me in a short voyage toward justifying the inherent perfection of manifest reality.

Crossing the African continent, heaved upon my psyche were some of the most unbearable experiences imaginable. Communing with people who are, literally, starving to death brought me face to face with arguably the greatest injustice of present day society. Learning the global scope of this tragic reality, I could not help but suffer under the stark and grotesque realisation that over one eighth of humanity will die of starvation.

As if it were yesterday, I recall a young boy whom I befriended. Our friendship sprouted in the tiny Algerian village of Assamakka. Proximal to the Niger border, Assamakka proved a desolate locale to grow up. Winter in the Saharan desert, bleak, barren, relentless, cooked everything by day, then froze the landscape throughout long desperate nights. Perhaps there were thirty huts making up the dishevelled community of roughly one hundred residents. Directly in the centre of the village, a small hut opened to a restaurant seating area which could accommodate nigh on twenty patrons. 

Seated upon the six, sun washed, picnic tables were mostly portly Europeans. Some, part of a caravan group, whilst others, driving personal vehicles with two or three individuals charting a path across the sands. Hoping to gain reprieve from a relentlessly scalding sun, everyone was taking refuge under the makeshift burlap canopy of the dishevelled diner. We all were awaiting border clearance prior continuing the trek to Nigeria then the Ivory Coast, or, like myself, destinations further afoot. 

The tableau of patrons reminded me of clean, fattened, grunting hogs. Oftentimes, a din of excited chit chat accompanied sounds of careless diners gulping plates of hearty stew. Mama's cauldrons belched out a strange aroma from a few feet distant. Closing out the imagery, bottles of pop or beer adorned the wooden tables, sweating liquid gold at the behest of a sweltering sun. 

The oft repeated scene of heaving bowls accompanied by chilled beverages must prove an eternal, exasperating tease, for the impoverished souls present.

Transfixed by a desperate desire, through dark black eyes, locals stared at the dripping beverages. Unconsciously licking chapped lips, these poor voyeurs undoubtedly imagined the cool liquid caressing their tongue before falling blissfully into an empty abyss. Sumptuous treats, purveying sights and smells which likely would never pass the wanting gullet of desperate Africans. 

Dogs, ribs protruding through matted coats, tested each others resolve to scavenge tidbits of fat, gristle, or rotten potato carelessly flung toward salivating jaws. Challenging the beasts for scraps, were blackened children, at times accompanied by the odd gnarled old man fortunate enough to have survived the ripe old age of thirty. 

Maintaining order in the open-air restaurant, Mamma had hired a sturdy young guard charged with keeping famished dogs or untoward residents at bay. When the animals neared, he impassioned a flick with his stick as if they were flies. Unfortunately for the children, who were inevitably slower to react than dogs, the smart end of the guards malicious stick often left a recognisable welt.

Mama knew how important it was to prevent the tourists from being pestered by salivating dogs or grotesque looking beggars. Regardless of Mama's resolve for order, many of the fat, pig like, tourists squealed in disgust at having to observe the ritualistic administration of Saharan justice. Most travelers passing through Assamakka were upset if they could not get out of the village within a few hours. The optimal visit routine; stop, grab a bite while the passports were stamped, then get the hell out of town. 

By the time I arrived at the village, I was weary from pushing my bicycle across endless sand dunes. With energy reserves totally depleted, I decide to stay a week in hopes of regaining the strength needed to navigate the balance of the Saharan desert. Broken-hearted, is how I felt when daily witnessing the forlorn eyes of beast and human as they mentally savaged fresh food and drink. Their state of utter depravity, starkly contrasted by the intermittent disgust or repulsion from opulent tourists, left me with mental scars which took years to heal. Scenes as such soon proved almost impossible to endure. 

During my stay, I spent time talking to some of the locals who were nearing death. I tried to feed them what I could manage. However, for the most part, those nearest to death could not muster the energy to talk nor eat. One boy proved an interminable burden upon my sanity. I had to stick the food in his mouth, then patiently assist him as, together, we worked his jaw up and down. Too weak to talk, a challenge to even hold the tin cup of water I proffered a few times daily. 

Every waking moment, the boy sat next to what I assumed was the family hut. Chased by the sun, he would navigate a path around the tiny thatch. mud and cardboard structure. The irony proved hard to miss; our sun, the greatest galactic power, directly impacting each moment of this excruciatingly feeble little teenagers existence. By night's end, the brave young lad would vanish, only to reappear with the break of each new morning. Near as I could tell, this was the full extent of life for the emaciated young fellow.

I remember thinking of a kid in my hometown who was miffed because the graduation gift his dad gave him was what he described as, "a cheap used car". 

Late one morning, I approached the hut with cup in hand. Bread protruding from my breast pocket, I walked around to the back of his hut where I fully expected to discover him curled up in the shade. This morning, he never managed to complete the circuit. Just prior to my arrival, the young boy had been found dead. Flies swarming his cold contorted body, mouth agape, black eyes wide open. Each night, I would struggle to sleep. Sights and sounds of village life playing over in my mind like an earwig drilling into my head. Tears rolled down my cheeks more readily as each desperate day crashed into another vile rendition of survival.   

Relaxing back in your leather Ottoman recliner, possibly you could relieve yourself of the television remote long enough to consider, as I have, the voice of imperfection. Possibly, you might regale me of a story about rape, murder, the destroyed planet, greed, or any of a long laundry list of grievances which cause you pause. Simply stated, we humans are eternal judges, therefore, it should prove quite easy to find subject matter which repulses your sense of equanimity.

For most of us, certainly speaking for myself, daily, I privately or verbally express a dislike of something. From the moment I wake, I enjoy my coffee a certain way. Checking the sports page, I am happier to see my favourite team has won. Still, to this day, I must admit a great dislike of Brussels sprouts. Trivial things do tend to pick at me.

Like a crow testing carrion, I sample my world slowly before taking a bite. Looking past the banality of preference, when confronted by injustice smashing the barriers of social common sense, I inevitably am stopped dead in my tracks. Starvation, rape, murder, the bevy of heinous acts which cause many to utter the oft heard query,

"If there really is a God, then how could this event be allowed to happen?"

Walking down the road which is my life, injustices of a cruel world quite often yank wildly at my heartstrings. I remember countless tears as far too many visceral experiences were induced by horrible nightmares which then came to life. Yet, today, as I pen this short essay, I notice how the tumbling decades have enabled me to develop a significantly different approach to the mad hatter world I daily witness.

Observing the opinions of great sages, far more intelligent than I. As well, bearing witness to my own life experiences. I offer you philosophical tidbits which may prove worthy of your review. Possibly, you might latch upon some of these considerations, thereby, availing yourself of a balm to soothe your aching heart.

More the case, you might think me owner of a cold heart, foolish, abstract, lacking the emotional carriage needed to care for those who suffer. Painting a vision of absolute perfection, I intend to dip my pen in a philosophical pot to investigate; choice, preference, duality, unity consciousness, illusion, the EgoSelf, impeccability. Each point of reference, I hope to view through the rarely used lens of GodSelf living.

Perhaps, with your indulgence, we might commence with choice as seen from a GodSelf perspective. 


Based upon personal preferences, we undoubtedly appear to affect oodles of choices during each day. Considering the seemingly infinite collection of decisions we make, it is reasonable to assume, more than anything, choice constitutes the heat responsible for forging the blade we call self. Endlessly, before us the proverbial road branches into two. Then, based upon our collective experience, we select the path most in tune with what we believe to be the most apropos selection.

For the most part, few of us take a moment to consider whether we verily are the sole captain of this ship of endless choice. After all, observing our life as it unfolds, our five senses convince us it would be silly to even remotely consider the choices we make are not entirely of our own volition.

Any attempt to separate choice from self determination will certainly invoke a sense of betrayal. Further to the point, for most people, stepping into the concept of divine determination is akin to driving the car from within the confines of a locked trunk. 

It makes absolutely no sense.

However, insane as it may be to consider one’s life has been preordained, there are solid arguments which can bolster this, somewhat awkward, philosophical position.             

The first posit one might consider, is what I would deem collective programming. The next time you make a choice, small or involved, ask yourself the following. What is the impetus behind this decision?

Your knee jerk answer might be. "Well this is what I wanted. Obviously, my choices reflect my preferences. Therefore, I am the only one responsible for choosing any given path!" To this I would counter.

Dig deeper, what is the root of your preference?

Tracing back our singular decisions to their ultimate source, we absolutely must arrive at one undeniable conclusion. The collective experience of our life, leads us to each and every choice we make. Without reflection, we very well might experience choice as the sole function of personal preference.

However, when peeling the onion of choice to its core, we discover historical markers which did indeed prompt the selection to place an apple in our lunchbox juxtaposed to a cabbage or lump of coal.

Accepting choice is a direct function of ones collective history, we are then compelled to investigate the origins of our past. More to the point, have other chefs conspired to create the choices we believe were solely our own. Perhaps, we might be well served to consider.

What life experience would push us toward murder, rape or similar acts we deem horrific?

How much ownership do we assign to the rapist who was himself repeatedly and viciously raped by his father or priest?

Thinking of the extreme, causes us pause. Trains of thought placing us in our brethren's shoes, beg us to consider how far removed we are from those who commit unthinkable atrocities? Good fortune does have a way of breeding within us a contemptuous position. We need not dwell upon the bizarre to follow this thread to its logical conclusion.

From simple choices, like a preference for apples, to the ultimate expression of murder, all choice is derived from the collective experience of our personal journey.

Who is the creator of our path? 

Who has selected the ingredients compiling the composite which we seem so quick to claim our own? 

Most psychologists agree, more than anything, it is the first five years of our life which impact our personality. Sure, with great effort, we can change the landscape of our persona. The braggart can become humble, the thief can turn into a philanthropist, the liar can learn to speak only truth. Significant fortitude is required to alter the road paved by developmental years.

More often than not, the boy does design the man.

Aside from the first five years of our life, what effects do; media, school, friends, parents, family, peer pressure, heroes, religion, movie stars and idols have upon the decisions or preferences we were so quick to claim entirely our own?

Take a moment to consider the effects of the many pervasive influences initiated by circumstances well beyond our control. Surely our world is responsible for, at the very least, framing the choices we might have considered exclusively our own.     

Stepping back from the assumption we entirely own the choices we make. How much do you now think our choices are affected by others? If circumstance were a little crueler, can you see how you could have been the starving Niger teenager, or the sniper randomly killing civilians from a hotel window?

Truly, how far removed are we from those we scorn?

Taking the subject of choice to its conclusion, we easily understand how most philosophers believe choice is merely an illusion. Credence can be then given to the ideology which suggests, we each follow a preordained path. The location in the world where you were born, the position of the stars when you took the first breath, the parents who brought you into this reality.

Building blocks of you, framed by countless foreign influences, creates the image you see stare back from a misty bathroom mirror. Beyond your control, the real you was fabricated. How does this affect your sense of choice?

Moving beyond the ownership of choice, we humans believe the world happens 'to' us. The evidence of our life unfolding convinces us we react to the events which shape our life. Most great sages believe exactly the opposite.

By example, a driver runs a red light, in doing so slams into your vehicle. Observing the evidence, speaking with friends, officials or family, everyone agrees the event was the sole responsibility of the careless driver.

It behooves us to ask, is this the ultimate reality of the event in question? Or, could another position be considered?

Could it be possible, we were equally complicit in forging the incident. Perhaps, deep reflection might cause us to accept we invited this event into the realm of our experience, moreover, we were the creator?

Speaking to this conundrum I believe choice, like so many other aspects of physical reality, exists in two dimensions. The great don Juan Matus coined these two planes as separate realities. The esoteric reality, he called the 'nagual', which represents the GodSelf expression. Whilst, reality as defined by the filter of EgoSelf, he defined as the 'tonal' expression.

Choice, from a tonal perspective is affirmed by our five senses. Whilst the choice as a function of the nagual requires a much deeper level of consideration.

Using the example to illustrate the difference between tonal and nagual, we account for the accident event from two separate perspectives.

The careless driver runs a red light, then crashes into us. From a tonal vantage point, we have exercised absolutely no choice in this event. Because of this limited purview of the incident, we cast blame entirely upon the careless driver.

Nagual perspective would suggest it was the ultimate Godself expression which was responsible for the collision. This odd conclusion, don Juan would derive from the esoteric perspective teaching us the GodSelf is the ultimate creator of all reality.

Capturing the nagual, in day to day experiences, encourages us to seek deeper, occulted meaning to the events of our life. Discover the silent energy which flows beneath the surface of your physical world. Closely examine your reality with nagual eyes.

Looking at nagual reality, we easily grasp another argument for preordained existence.

Speaking with my lovely girlfriend Shannon about this subject last night, I realised the importance of separating reality into these two aspects of perception. Being accustomed to looking at reality from both a physical and subtle plain, I had forgotten how the subject of divine destiny leads one to ask, if our life is preordained, then what is the purpose of living?

I get it!

The image life preordained can easily cause one to feel powerless, futile, living a pointless reality. Countering these sentiments, I suggest, the daily choices we make are important as they do offer up a unique flavour to our destiny.

Each choice is valuable, each choice makes our journey uniquely special. Our choices tell the world, this is who I am, these are my values, this is my personal statement. What might be hard to grasp, is how the choices we make can both represent our uniqueness while still be divinely inspired, perhaps even preordained.

The tonal and nagual are not incompatible. Quite the opposite, they become deeply integrated by the function of choice. Yes, our choices are very important, they reflect the essence of our heart.

Perhaps, an example of a river might help illustrate my point. Upon our planet, there are millions of rivers small and large, fast or slow, deep or shallow. What if the Englishman river, flowing past my door, hosts the journey of a thousand lives. If my life path were to follow the Englishman from source to ocean. Then, the ultimate Oceanic destination would represent my nagual existence. The river current would act out the role of destiny, but its influence would be hidden from my senses.

Regardless of whether or not I am aware of the current, it will duly usher me to the preordained destination.

Floating down the river, carried by an unseen nagual current, I might 'choose' to paddle over to the bank, spread a little love with the fishes or insects. Possibly, I might 'choose' to hang out behind an old stump to chat with a frog. Whatever my destiny might entail, I am the one who decided the nature of my own trip.

Another, who travels the same river, might have an identical destination as I, yet she will entertain entirely different experiences along the way. We each are beautiful snowflakes, no two of us similar. The expression of the 'tonal', the beautiful and individual choices I make, will give my life meaning, as well, offer a sense of personal ownership.

From the tonal viewpoint, choice is very real, it carries significant meaning. The preordained current of the nagual represents the ultimate Godself experience, it too is beautiful. Reflecting the perfection of God, it is personal choice which affords duality, as well, infuses a sense of meaning into the experience of our lives.   
The subject of choice, in tandem with divine destiny, can help us rationalise experiential reality as perfection. If we accept each life will follow a preordained path, then possibly, we can exercise a little compassion when faced with the choices of our brethren.

When we embrace nagual living, we find in our heart both fertiliser and space for acceptance, compassion, love, to grow. Often, I call the nagual, my seat on the bus. Our world, in my view, is an endless dance of dualistic energy. Whereby, when reality unfolds, all aspects of duality must be loved.

Looking at reality, I cannot help but feel each seat on the bus is sacred, each choice divine, each action a tremendously beautiful dance. 

Perhaps, the next time someone or something irks you, relief may be found in honouring all choice as a direct function of GodSelf actualization. Possibly, the next time you feel the urge to cast blame, you to consider the nagual. You wrote the script which is your reality. Even when a car slams into your world, you can 'see' your energy was meant to dance with the other. The event was, yet another, amazing moment of divinity expressed.


Observing, as well as acting upon, our personal preferences enable the uniqueness of individuality. Humanity, expressed as a bland soup of peoples conforming to a singular script, would surely leave us quickly reaching for the spice of nonconformity. Freedom of expression, propelled by the horsepower of preference, advances the interests of science, the arts, manufacturing, innovation, as well as, countless other aspects of civilization. Cherishing preference, in the light of an upwardly mobile society, we certainly would not wish to curtail its role in human development.

However, is it possible, preference might play a pivotal role in humanity perceiving reality as imperfect?   

Whatever we see as separate from self, initiates a process identifying preference. Every miniscule fragment of our consciousness is sorted, labeled, then measured on an invisible scale of perceived value. Our character reflects itself as an ever fluid composite of preference.

Demands will be fulfilled or denied. In kind, a gap between desire and reality unfolds. The greater the gap, the more angst you internalise. In this light, imperfection appears as an obvious function of reality expressing itself.

Casting the net of individual preference, we tend to reach far beyond our limited capacity to control an expansive environment. The potency of this truth is illustrated by the massive canyon stretching between the world we wish to experience juxtaposed to the world we daily witness.

From the grandest scale of desiring global peace, to small irksome annoyances akin to sitting proximal to a colicky child on a transcontinental flight. Neither experience is ultimately within our control, yet, both are likely to elicit a modicum of angst.

We all know the feelings of angst of which I refer. The need to be right as an argument with your partner unfolds. Your boss screaming at you, just because she is having a tough day. The driver who cuts you off in heavy traffic, then gives you the finger. Watching the latest horrific event unfold on the big screen. Sickening feelings you get when rape or murder knocks upon a door too close to home.

Endless tragedy, abuse, misuse, ignorance, hate, squeezing out of a society like pus oozing from a freshly lanced boil. 

Events which make you want to scream, cringe or cry. Frustration unrivaled, as society seems more concerned with the latest in Hollywood gossip, than righting global scale injustice. Fears of a world in distress, animals dying, the globe straining under blender blades of corporate greed or executive malfeasance.

The list of grievances seems endless. The gulf between your sense of right, and the inevitable execution of wrong, becomes insurmountable. Preference seems justified as a good tool for expanding humanity, that is, until we attempt to deal with the fall out of what we know is the true human condition. 

Witnessing the void between personal preference and the events of our life, we cannot help but realise it is the act of projecting our personal preference out into the world which causes within us all this grief.

If, we lived life as a hermit, never exposed to the outer world. Then, the preferences we hold dear would never be challenged. However, being a hermit is not why we exist. I believe it is important to love, share and rejoice in the uniqueness of our brethren. Unfortunately, the moment we entertain anything of foreign origin, we set ourselves up for; disappointment, heartache, incompatibility and the accompanying assurance of an imperfect reality.

Capitalizing upon our ability to manage the gap between desire and reality, is something very few of us meet with success. Often, we feel offended by a life experience which, yet again, failed to adequately conform to our expectation of fairness. Realistically, no single person has the capacity to feed all the starving souls, yet, this does little to alleviate the pain we feel when standing proximal to a starving child.

Surely, each of us suffer as we navigate, or attempt to accept, the chasm between reality and our vision of the perfect world. Who, in the absence of rose tinted glasses, would begin to suggest the world we live in is already perfect? Even to broach the topic, leaves one open to being accused of soaking their mind in Pollyannaish bathwater.

For many years, I battled the illusion of imperfection with little success.

Always, there were nagging thoughts, feelings and emotions, compelling me to wish for a better world. Regardless of how these painful views contrasted with my quickly advancing philosophy, I seemed firmly glued to the notion, humanity held great room for improvement. After all, one need simply opens their eyes, a tidal wave of injustice surely would set them upon their behind.

Spiritually leaping, like a stallion, toward the beauty of unity consciousness did little to relieve my grief. More the case, esoteric truths only heightened the gap between my brethren and myself. Thereby, leaving me feeling guilty for being wrapped in a warm blanket of philosophy. Inevitably, the more my philosophy flowered, the more I was compelled to; make a difference, educate the ignorant, preach to the unconverted who might still be choosing to fear over love.

What a slippery, self righteous, slope I traveled. That is, until I received guidance from some wonderful texts, to name a few; Tao Te Ching, The Gnostic Texts, The Bhagavad Gita, most of all, my favourite source of truth, don Juan Matus. Where would I be without Castaneda's beautiful books? Perhaps the one thread spun through each of these books was the concept of acceptance.

The Tao offers the peacefulness of a leaf on the river. Symbolism used to represent the personification of steadfast acceptance. The Gnostic texts taught, no one entity, nor event, is greater nor lesser than another. The Gita reminded me, reality is a singularity known as God. Together, these golden threads of esoteric gnosis allowed me to understand don Juan's sense of 'seeing' as it relates to what he termed controlled folly.

Instead of paraphrasing someone who stood so much taller than I, it is best to quote his words. It should be noted, Castaneda together with don Juan discussed this matter over a few pages in the book "A Separate Reality". Herein, I have included only a few key excerpts from the lengthy conversation. Undoubtedly, it is worth reading the entire exchange starting from page 78.

"My acts are sincere, but they are only the acts of an actor."

"Certain things in your life matter to you because they are important; your acts are certainly important to you, but for me, not a single thing is important any longer, neither my acts nor the acts of any of my fellow men. I go on living, though, because I have my will. Because I have tempered my will throughout my life until it's neat and wholesome and now it doesn't matter to me that nothing matters. My will controls the folly of my life."

"You believe that because you're thinking, you're thinking about life, you're not 'seeing'. Once a man learns to 'see' he finds himself alone in the world with nothing but folly. Your acts, as well as the acts of your fellow men in general, appear to be important to you because you have 'learned' to think they are important."

"We 'learn' to think about everything, then, we train our eyes to look as we think about the things we look at. We look at ourselves already thinking that we are important. And therefore, we've got to feel important. But then when a man learns to 'see', he realises he can no longer think about the things he looks at, and if he cannot think about what he looks at everything becomes unimportant."

"Everything is equal and therefore unimportant. For example, there is no way for me to say my acts are more important than yours, or that one thing is more essential than another, therefore all things are equal and by being equal they are unimportant."

"Controlled folly is very much like 'seeing' it is something you cannot think about."

The gist of these quotes, as I see it, offer a somewhat complex, yet plump store of usable observations.

We are each actor’s believing our body to be physically 'real'. However, in both scientific as well as esoteric truth, we are holographic in nature. Our sense of reality, like our body, appear real. Even though we know this reality is, as Einstein stated, a very convincing illusion, we can't help but buy in to the dreamlike fantasy.

We view our life journey as a collection of events, all of which we believe carry significant value. From our limited experience of reality, the inherent 'importance' of our existence appears as a quantifiable, tangible asset. Yet, from the perspective of someone who can 'see', there is no individuality. Simply stated we, as well our collective actions, are 'unimportant'.

To 'see' is to understand all manifest reality is equally magnificent, equally 'important'. With all reality being considered equal, no one choice, person or event takes precedence over another.

Ergo, as don Juan intones, every person and action is unimportant. This evaluation of importance is absolutely absent from any sense of worth. Quite the contrary, don Juan suggests he and his choices are unimportant because all choices and reflections are beautifully divine, extremely worthwhile, therefore equal in nature. 

Choosing to afford equal value to all manifest reality, we then approach the truth don Juan offers when he states, "everything becomes neat and wholesome". Tidied up to the point where it matters not that our actions are unimportant or even that we, by extension, are unimportant. If anything, our unimportant self should give us a sense of pride, even invoking feelings of love.

Confronted with this beautiful esoteric knowledge many people, as did the author Castaneda, feel offended. Typically, we each want to feel important. Understandably, when someone even remotely suggests you are unimportant, alarm bells sound.

What do you mean, I am unimportant? This cannot be!

To observe the 'seeing', nagual voice of GodSelf, we first must relinquish the 'thinking' tonal voice of EgoSelf. When we open up to the 'nagual', a clear truth rings from within. This embrace of the GodSelf is what don Juan calls 'seeing'.

We 'see' when we begin to understand why the EgoSelf filter is an illusion. The warrior who chooses to 'see' accepts he/she is alone in an ocean of people who are instead choosing to 'think'. Therefore, to answer the concerns of those who feel offended by the concept of being unimportant, one needs merely 'see' their way toward ultimate truth, indescribable beauty.

Nothing is important to the person who 'sees' a world where absolutely everything is and always will be entirely divine. This valuable piece of knowledge allows us to stop projecting a false sense of right versus wrong, good versus bad. Additionally, we determine how silly was our preference for a better world to magically appear.


There never was a difference between a perfect reality and the world before me. All manifest reality always exists in a state of absolute perfection. Finally, I knew nothing need be improved upon. Choosing to filter reality through my EgoSelf 'thoughts', instead of choosing to filter reality through my GodSelf ability to 'see', had kept the truth of perfection completely hidden from view.

Freedom, at last!

Freedom was a valuable gift. No longer did I suffer under the EgoSelf illusion of imperfection. The starving child, the murderous fiend, as well, countless events I thought conspired against my will, all fodder for a gigantic EgoSelf basket called illusion.

This, in no way, means I have absolute peace from the perceived gap between my experience of reality and daily events of my life. Goodness gracious, I'm not that smart, nor so swift to accommodate truth. Yet, the nagual/tonal philosophy did offer a usable anchor upon which I could gain respite from the chaos often created by my 'thinking' mind.     

Preferences, causing grief, imbalance, ignorance, malcontent in my life, are no more real than the life of a stage actor. All manifest reality is, was and always will be absolute perfection. The great take home from owning this truth is obvious, but well worth iterating.

Take a quick moment, ask yourself. How can this philosophical position empower my life?

Preference, along with all the acts we people manage to eventualise, become unimportant in the light of knowing everything is, and always will be, equally perfect.

Applying this nagual knowledge to the tonal world we inhabit, we soon determine childish 'thinking' promotes hope for a better world. As the great don Juan would remind us, one cannot 'think' their way toward perfection, you must 'see' it.

With the ability to 'see', we realise how 'unimportant' everything has become. The pressure to fix or improve our world fades. Like footprints in the sand, the angst we once thought uncleanable, has miraculously disappeared.

Beautiful is this lesson for promoting peace of mind, contentment and laughter within.

Hubris and logic led me to support the belief we should all strive to make the world a better place. I was irked knowing this belief structure was not in accord with my core philosophy. However, try as I might, I was trapped by too many African nightmares, I could not crack the nut. Then don Juan's descriptions of 'seeing' and 'thinking' as it relates to controlled folly, bashed open the doors of psychological emancipation.

Finally, I was free from the cancerous angst associated with constantly wishing for the injustices of the world to be magically solved. Knowing, as only the 'seer' can envision, everything is unimportant.

In a world where everything is God, perfection is all which can exist. What a simple, but serendipitous lifeboat floating is a sea of emotional despair.

Twisty journey following the thread of preference. First, a Mexican dirt path led me to uncover illusion. Then, more paths appeared from great teachers with all roads leading directly toward the illusion of imperfection. 


Certainly, no one could argue the world could benefit from some cleaning, or a little more love, peace and compassion. However, when we look a little closer at imperfection, we discover illusion exists. What we once believed was true, has now been proven false. Our preferences kept us from 'seeing' the singular truth that tells us, all manifest reality is God.

Preferences aside, perfection must be all there is. By extension all, which we 'think' is imperfection, must be an EgoSelf illusion. 

Undoubtedly, the next time a screaming baby intrudes upon your peace of mind. When the driver smashes into your car, or the sniper kills randomly from a hotel room. I will certainly understand if you choose to 'think' about these events with the Ego instead of 'seeing' them from the eyes of God. 

Truly, I do comprehend why you would fail to 'see' a perfect world. However, you might serve yourself well to imagine there does exist another point of 'you'. The beautiful GodSelf you. The one who always 'sees' a different, perfect reality, unfold.