Sunday, December 19, 2010
It was a wonderful December day when we searched for our Christmas tree this year. Off and on, the rain would quietly moisten the forest floor. A slight breeze carried fresh scents to enchant the moment. Leaving my wife on dry ground, I ventured alone into an old bog. I slowly weaved my way across the mire, managing barely to keep dry. I spied an old fallen tree which I thought might offer slippery but safe passage over an especially wet section. Picking my way across the moss laden log demanded full attention. Balance, a modicum of grace and focus were also required. Underfoot, the log bobbed in the water, obeying the command of my advancing weight. Performing it's dance, the log steadfastly remained unpredictable, until finally I reached dry ground. Successfully navigating the other side a beautiful tree called my attention. We managed to get it home and trimmed for all to adore.
I later reflected on this experience. I was considering how crossing the mire represented a beautiful metaphor for challenges I face daily in life.
There lies before us all a path to unconditional love. We could choose carefully each step we take, in doing so we stay dry, warm and comfortable. Or we could carelessly traipse along, making ourselves wet, cold and miserable. For the most part, it is easy to stay dry if care and attention is expressed. However, we know there will be difficult stretches where we must work a little harder and be more attentive if we are to navigate safely.
So what lessons do I learn from such an experience?
Each step I take requires my undivided attention. Along my path I can expect difficult times. When I see the path ahead is more challenging I must slow down, find my balance, then carefully proceed with grace. I don't know how things will change in my live but I must accept, adjust and quickly regain composure.
The path to unconditional love often feels like a balancing act. The ego, continually crying for attention, is much like the shaky log underfoot. I never know what my ego is going to throw at me but each time I must accept, adjust and regain my GodSelf essence.
I find the path to be an extremely demanding experience. Each and every day I spend great amounts of time observing my thoughts, feelings and emotions. I may go a few hours without reflection, but I almost always manage to later get caught up. Without this constant vigil I would be hopelessly lost. I say this because I know how relentless and tricky my ego is.
Judgment has been one of the things I have been focusing on of late.
I find in my heart so many ways I judge myself, others, events and outcomes. These constant echoes of ego mind only further ground my resolve to be the GodSelf I am. I am convinced expressions of ego can only be controlled with determined effort. If I fail to pay close attention, ego will be there to knock me off the log.
The way I see it, my waking perception of reality can be broken down into three separate and distinct blocks of time.
Unconscious time: I must admit this represents for me the greatest block of time. This is the time each day I spend on auto-pilot. Most all of my daily routines fall into this category. Playing games, working, eating, driving, etc.. As I investigate this part of my day I determine it often reflects the fear, insecurity and illusion found in my ego mind.
I have found great value in observing how my monkey mind seizes control during the unconscious time.
Conscious time: Conscious time represents in my life a significantly smaller block than unconscious time. This is the time each day I spend expressing my GodSelf. It is only by demanding consistent reflection and expression my GodSelf that I can remain committed to a path of unconditional love.
Observers time: I spend a large part of each day observing my thoughts, feelings and emotions. The observer is a most essential part of my being if am to remain true to my heart. Times of observation allow me to comprehend the lessons my ego is teaching. Moreover, the observer acts as a rudder, allowing me to steer a course beyond the rough waters of ego to the calm serenity of unconditional love.
With this matrix of time exposed, one would naturally assume that my goal is to eradicate the unconscious time in favour of conscious time. Furthermore, one would suspect that the observer in me is the conduit to said objective. To a certain extent such an analysis is accurate. However, beyond this objective lies the lesson of judgment. If we pursue an objective for it's own sake, we often fail to appreciate and value the many small steps which have made the journey possible.
Imagine climbing mount Everest. The first thing that pops into your mind is probably the feeling of taking those final few steps to the summit. Your mind naturally gravitates to the objective of the goal. One fails to imagine or appreciate the inherent value of the thousands of other steps which made this endeavor a reality.
Yes I desire to express only unconditional love. I desire to reflect only my GodSelf being. The irony is that I can never reach this summit unless I am prepared to release desire completely. I can see how my ego chooses to subjugate my search by redefining it in terms of goals and desires. By extension, my search for unconditional love becomes circumvented by judgment. I see my Godself expression is pale in contrast to my egoself, so I may judge myself incomplete. Judgment of self is the quickest path to dis empowerment. There can be no goal or desired outcome. I am God, is the only truth which exists. All else is illusion fabricated by my ego.
How do I remain alert to these subtle dance steps of my ego? The answer is acceptance, non judgmental balance and unconditional love.
I must always remember that the expression of each moment is divine. There is never a time when I am not perfect. I can see my life as a series of choices which create my reality, but this is illusion. There are truly no choices made. How can I choose when I am ONE being, ONE reality, ONE consciousness, eternally expressing the divine GodSlef.
THERE IS NO MOUNTAIN TO CLIMB! I AM THE MOUNTAIN AND THE CLIMBER!
I find in front of me a journey of soul. The path of my soul is predetermined. Beyond the illusion of time and space my soul continues it's eternal expression. I can accept all aspects of my reflection without judgment. I can accept all other reflections as my own, for I am this totality. In this state of non judgment, I may find balance and serenity. With attentiveness to unity, I can discover a way to love myself unconditionally. Where my soul takes me is not important, knowing that I am you is. With this understanding I know that I can only become complete in my GodSelf when you join me in embracing the truth of unity. Judgment day should be therefore considered by society as a misnomer. Judgment day will not represent a day of judgment, rather a day when all judgment has been released.
In Lak' esh, my brethren, I cannot judge for I am another you...
Friday, December 10, 2010
The road less traveled is not a race track. Nor does it lead to a dais encouraging one to expound for profit the knowledge gained. Be gentle with your path, treat it as a lover; understanding, compassion, tenderness, respect and love without demand. There are times during our journey when we abandon all hope. Times when we turn our back in frustration. Times when we just wish to rest and reflect. As the years pass, the path itself seems to take on it's own life, history and identity. The path becomes a tangible being, a partner I very much wish to understand.
This partner is my GodSelf being. Like in the Bible with the father the son and the holy spirit. There seems to have formed in my persona a similar trinity of sorts. The GodSelf (the father), the EgoSelf (the son) and the observer (spirit). Let me further express this analogy is by no way meant to correlate or conform to biblical concepts of the trinity. The metaphor I describe today represents God as self. With that said I find each expression is equally significant as all three establish my perception of reality.
I take the time to express this concept so that you may have the grace to accept whichever expression you choose. GodSelf, Egoself and the Observer are all loving aspects of the ONE. In years past I have often beaten myself up needlessly in frustration as I see myself slip away from spiritual to material. Even more heartbreaking is a movement from spiritual to the banal (T.V.). Thirty years ago my path began. Silly as a babe, I thought the path to discover love would be easy. Twenty years ago I felt frustrated, it seemed impossible to even define love unless it was unconditional.
Would I ever find the truth of how to love?
Ten years ago I accepted that I would never discover unconditional love. Spiritual enlightenment was for those more dedicated, more deserving, more intelligent, more of something I was not. I honestly did not think my brain could absorb more spiritual mumbo jumbo. I had followed the thoughts of great masters, world religions, philosophers and scientists. I tried my best to cover a wide variety of ideas spanning a 3,000 year period. I felt I knew spirituality very well from the brain, alas my heart remained barren of unconditional love.
Why is this so hard?
The reason a search for unconditional love is so difficult is because sensations of gain are so very subtle. Gains in knowledge of the physical is significantly more rewarding. Whereas one reads enough books, one may define intellectual advancement in a specific field. You can say to yourself, I know much more about the quantum world today than five years a ago.
But how do you qualify advancements in love?
You either love unconditionally or you don't. There is no middle ground in such a quest. You can search for decades only to sadly find no serious gain has been made. This lack of tangible reward can play havoc with your mind and spiritual stability.
How do we know unconditional love?
The funny thing is that you do not graduate from the mind to such a truth. You must know this truth from your heart.
Instead of books I chose to continue my search from within, I began to meditate much more. If you call it meditation, I call it deep thinking, because I really am terrible at Yogi type meditation. I decided to spend a few months pondering one question. The very same question I asked when I began.
How do I discover true love?
Following Yaqui Indian tradition of vision quests, I wanted to " form " the emotion of this one specific thought. I wanted to create a " wave " of emotional energy. Slowly over three months the wave grew in momentum, essentially this involved focusing intent. The intent I wished to develop was that I already knew the answer to my question. I would just open my heart to it's presence. The time was right, with the wave cresting, my wife and I set out for a week long camping trip.
Sitting under a starry canopy, the fire casting images dancing on the still lake we took LSD and magic mushrooms. My wife enough for a great high, whilst I consumed enough to go beyond reality. Sitting by the fire I meditated upon my life's question. Information began drizzling down. I use this adjective deliberately, as it did feel like it was raining knowledge. I cried relentlessly for almost half an hour. All I could do was sway back and forth, continually thanking God for such blessings.
Regaining composure, I placed my hand in the middle of the fire, picking up an ember the size of a sparrows egg. I held the burning ember in my hand while I described to my wife what I saw. Visions of zeros and ones dancing up from the coal in an eternal transformation of love energy. Spending a few moments basking in the glory of this magnificent transformation left me awestruck. Placing the ember back in the fire, I transformed into the same love energy.
I became God.
For 8 hours I felt the wonderment of what it truly means to be ONE, to love unconditionally. In my confusion, I thought all humanity was morphing into a new dimension of unity reality. I turned to a tree, wrapped my arms around it and became the tree. I felt all the feelings of the tree, fully embraced in it's essence, I became the tree. During the experience, my heart learned in one night what my brain could not decifer in thirty years.
Although more than five years have passed, I have never since experienced such wonders. I have never attempted to relive or recreate this truth. In the end, I realised unconditional love is what I really am.
How very bizarre, searching with the brain relentlessly for thirty years all the time thinking I was getting nowhere. I could not see tangible results, but I would never give up. Unbenounced to me, my brain was learning to speak to my heart. By developing my understanding of science, philosophy, religion, and ancient spiritual knowledge I was learning a secret language. I never once knew that the fruits of my search was the discovery of heart language.
So what can one gain by learning this very specialised heart language?
We learn that the heart is so powerful, it need only whisper once. Three words from the heart " YOU ARE LOVE " will change your entire perception of reality.
My body and mind travel to many places meeting many people. Sometimes GodSelf whispers, sometimes EgoSelf roars, mostly the Observer discovers. EgoSelf continues to teach me lessons as I loose my way, of this I am grateful. I cannot say I reflect pure GodSelf, I cannot say I reflect pure EgoSelf, I cannot say I am merely the Observer. I am all three, I am an eternal trinity of GodSelf expression.
Although we have different paths to GodSelf we share many truths. There are countless ways to climb a mountain. We are not in competition, we are ONE. Time in fact is illusion, we are eternal. If we are to love others we must first learn to love ourselves.
Try and think of yourself as an eternal trinity. The GodSelf, the EgoSelf and the Observer of the NOW. These three beings will dance together and this we will call your reality.
They will teach and love each other, leading you ever closer to light. For now, ego may be your ruler, the observer may not exist. But remember, the GodSelf is always your true essence. In time the observer will become present and you will learn from the lessons ego teaches. Eventually your GodSelf will be discovered, you begin climbing the final mountain. A day will come when we all rejoice together in unity, one being, expressing only unconditional love.
When we climb a mountain there are times when we rest. Ego sees the rest as lost opportunity. Observer sees the rest as reflection. GodSelf sees there never was a mountain to climb. It is not possible to go astray, all choice is illusion. Whatever you manifest will always represent God dancing with God eternally in the NOW. You cannot improve, you are God right now, you are perfection. You can however discover your true identity, and you can always choose. You will climb the mountain at your own pace, in your own way. Accept all moments of manifest reality as divine, choose to love yourself and others, without reservation or condition. Choose to be the GodSelf you truly are. Remember all manifest experience is God dancing with God in the perfect eternal moment of NOW...
In Lak' esh, my beautiful brothers and sisters, we find there is only love...
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
My wife was mentioning how an American fellow was just imprisoned for three years because he wrote a poem about killing a certain president ( of which discretion suggests I not mention by name ). I thought, I have not written poetry in over 30 years. Such an occasion I feel justifies breaking the dry spell of poetic creativity. I feel penning this tribute speaks to his right to free speech. Let me add that I do not subscribe in any way to his views. I do not believe in violence of any kind. I believe in non compliance with government and living free on the land. It is the power of love that I trust will rid us of fear, judgment and oppression.
The Lonely Voice Of Unity
Spying the mind of humanity,
trapped by a matrix of illusion.
Monkey controlling reality,
creating lives in confusion.
T.V. programs the heart of consciousness,
addicts feeding on material desire.
Education dwindles to nothingness,
while elite relentlessly conspire.
Corporations purchasing government,
constitution torn asunder.
Sleeping masses yield to enslavement,
private banksters count their plunder.
Religion hiding love behind fear,
busily selling lies of separation.
Judgments by masses proudly held dear,
emitting a melody of ignorant dedication.
Brothers we beg of you to wake,
your complete attention is a must.
Our future we cannot forsake,
only in love can we trust.
Silence confirms no reply,
ego maintains perversity.
Fear holds sway I cannot deny,
lonely is the voice of unity.
In Lak' esh, my brothers and sisters, a call to unity and love...