Thursday, 15 March 2012

The pain of choosing love...

Whoa, this is slippery! The cry heard just prior to ones bottom crashing solidly upon the glassy surface. Raised Canadian, memories of frozen ponds, ice skates and shinny hockey are deeply ingrained into my childhood archives. Lately, I have been thinking a great deal about such pleasurable days long past. Canadian children are drawn to ice like bears to honey. Skates on, or off, we are always looking for the next slippery patch to slide across. I recall well the exhilaration of loosing my footing, only to regain balance in the nick of time. Arms flail, the torso automatically dips to lower my center of gravity, whilst legs move magically of their own accord to rediscover equilibrium. All the while, a great big smile is pasted across my face in recognition of an exciting save. Not to be forgotten, are the occasions when the balancing act literally falls short of success. Sharp jab of pain runs from the base of the spine to the lower back, followed by a compression impact of the upper back and shoulders. Finally, the inevitable thunk as the back of the head gracelessly surrenders to gravity. Onlookers, knowing the experience very well, can't help exposing a slightly guilty laugh. Coming to the realisation all is relatively well, the hapless victim, massaging butt and head in unison, cracks a toothy smile. "Man, oh man, that hurts!"

Journeying down the aforementioned wintery memory lane causes me pause to query the thoughts, feelings and emotions behind the toothy smile. The impetus of my quest is to recall simple tools which will enable me to better navigate the uncertainty of tomorrow.

I need not cast my imagination far to discover my world is a cold isolated environ. I am an eternal expression of Godself consciousness. I am the totality of all manifest reality. There is nothing which exists that I am not, In Lak'ech. Seeing a bird, tree, sky, stars or the sun, I say In Lak'ech. My brethren, from the depth of my heart I say, In Lak'ech. Facing such glory, do I rejoice? No, I deny my true identity in favour of the sensory illusion of separation. I am you, I love you, I just want us both to understand this. Grotesque is the spectacle of brothers tearing into each others flesh, I render unto you my broken heart. It reminds me of.... My goodness, I cannot find an adequate simile to match the ignorant brutality before me. Perhaps a hyena, but vicious as the kills are, hunger and survival motivate the beast. Fear and ignorance seem to be the only motors driving humanity! Racing along insanity highway, we insist on steering down every chaotic lane imaginable. Strumming chords of compassion, I attend response from understanding souls who so rarely cross my path.

Brutal images, crash into my reality, screaming injustice they hurt me deeply. "YOU THINK YOU ARE GOD: EAT THIS SHIT SON AND LOVE IT; THIS IS YOU!" God comes in all flavours brother, let me tell you, they don't all taste like chocolate. Yesterday morning, hot coffee steaming on my desk, the simple innocent image below brought forth a flood of emotion causing me to weep. Cracks in the dam, they are everywhere, growing, widening, spreading, why should this seemingly benign photo cause a hemorrhage?

Maya always reflects Ego! Chaotic feelings and emotions, evoked by the photo, stem from an illusory Egoic belief structure. I believe in separation, life, death and the physical plane. I have experienced desire, hunger, lack and know poverty all too well. No illusionist could cast such a magnificently captivating spell of depravity as is displayed by Ego. Ego, using my five senses as allies, cohorts in the ultimate crime of deception.

My fears rally to revel in his plight whilst Ego states emphatically, this is you Christopher. Yes, this is me, in more ways than one, in the etheral and the physical, this truly is me. It was not always this way, I can see the folly of youth hidden inside his beaten exterior. Dancing to magical fancy, with a spring in his teenage step, I doubt very much this man could foresee his future would manifest this poignant moment of truth. Etched in a tiny strip of 400 asa film is the culmination of all his dreams. Golden years, do not always yield the gilded lifestyle we might have anticipated. Whence a man has given his power to the universe, and there is no more, should calm not prevail? Can we not find a way in our heart to offer dignity, pride, love, kindness, compassion to all our retired brethren. Is there no semblance of justice, are we so bereft of sense!

Holding out his hand, my brother counts change. I cannot fathom what unreasonable demand must be made upon the meager sum of currency he holds. Look at his wife's face and posture, what woman should have to see her man so demeaned? I cannot stop the tears! Why? What compels us to think it prudent to destroy a wilting flower? His dreams are not different than mine or yours. We all want dignity, peace, love, contentment and respect. Is this too much to ask?

Turning over the coin, I comprehend the illusory condition of reality. My Godself understands physicality, separation, need, death and life are passing fancies of Ego. Many people, after discovering their Godself, hide under a blanket of truth. They profess, all is love, all is God. Put all of the nasty parts aside they say, focus only on love, truth, peace and unity. Is this why we are here? I have the tools to be that person, I can cocoon myself into a pupal casing of Godself love. Choosing to turn my face from the devastation inflicted upon my brethren will not serve me well.

Ego exists for a reason, if I were meant to experience life only from a Godself perspective, then I would be walking on water and doing all the shit they say Jesus did. I believe we are born into an Ego biased reality for the purpose of experiencing the totality of self. Suffering hearts are the first to embrace understanding, compassion and love, why then would I attempt to ignore or circumvent the designs of Ego? Just look at the state of our world, tell me, is it right to hold our tongue? I say unto you, none of you have food when your brother starves? If your belly is so full you cannot see this truth, more the pity, you have learned little from Ego.

There are times when I ask myself, why should I suffer? I am powerful, versatile and intelligent, I can be and have whatever I want. Alas, I too count change, my hand is empty as much as it is full. Should I close my eyes and meditate upon wealth? Do I use the gift of manifestation to seduce materialism in all her wanton glory? I cannot! Closing my eyes, my heart can only seek love? Love means more than anything else, love conquers all. Many think a life dedicated to discovering love and truth is a sure fire route to peace, contentment and happiness. If this be your experience, I can only advise that you are refusing to see your greater self. We know we have found love when we cannot stop bleeding and crying for our brethren. The bearer of the true self does not hide from his brothers pain, this is not possible. Being spiritually connected is not an easy row to hoe, it is not about smiles, yoga positions and quaint little one lined quips. Spiritual people are warriors, they hurt like hell and the tears never stop.
Take this Buddha pill and swallow it, this is you, the spiritual warrior! Spiritual warriors always tread on ice. Oops there she goes, down with a thunk. Where is that toothy smile? There it is, locked forever in the knowing of Godself.

In Lak'ech, I am you.