Sunday, 5 August 2018

'Finding The GodSelf You' (Preface, Author's Introduction & Overture)


Inspiration for this book was derived from blessings afforded me by a dysfunctional childhood. If you find difficulty in reconciling with chaos as a charm, I beg you consider the relationship a rose might have with manure. Outlined in the pages to follow, a journey to define the true spirit of love. 

From the angry perch of a social deviant in training, to a miraculous state of absolute bliss, you will surely discover these pages hold a shocking metamorphosis of character.

In support of defining love, I invite you to share snippets of wisdom accumulated from intellectual giants whom, over millennia, have poked, sniffed or tasted love. Tempering esoteric knowledge with modern day science whilst adding a healthy dollop of logic, I believe a comprehensive look at love has been realised.

Beyond the knowledge of books, self reflection encourages me to share amusing anecdotes for how to effectively eradicate irksome personality foibles or deal with the monkey mind who takes pleasure in disrupting our quiet moments. 

If a philosophical wave suits your fancy, better relations with the monkey are needed, or you simply imagine it fun to groove out on the topic of love, then this book is sure to impress. I invite you, join me on a wild, zany, philo-spiritual ride to love's front door. 


Author's Introduction

This eve, cosily seated at my somewhat decrepit old desk, a fire crackling in the hearth, I am inspired to reflect upon the fruits of a life led in pursuit of love. With nothing more than flickers of a slow dancing fire to offer distraction, it is easy to appreciate diamonds whose light have so frequently coloured my world with spiritual joy. Adding flavour to this moment of counting blessings, I recognise, love proved a stranger for a great swath of my life.

Throughout a troubled youth, love appeared more as an alien from a distant planet than simply a character whose name I occasionally failed to recount. Without love, a child ends up wielding an imaginary shovel. Daily, the dark pit deepens. Each shovel load, another hit to a personality caught in a freefall of self depreciation. Years of turmoil coloured red by, Anger and Fear, my only trusty companions. Tightly holding hands, we three boiled with rage at innocent or convenient targets.

Childhood trauma had gifted me sufficient building blocks to manufacture considerable social dysfunction. Dissecting my troubled youth, I will attempt to share the emotional tenor of a young dysfunctional boy forced to endure the confusion of interfacing with all you 'normal people.' Incapable of loving the self, or benefiting from rewarding bonds with family or friends, life offers an endless buffet of social indigestion.

Tragic are the many missteps awaiting the child who, for whatever reason, fails to fit in well with others.

Reeling in the throws of a desperate night, the timely emergence of pure love represented a warm light for this lost lamb. Where one moment indignation, anger and fear had hopelessly prevailed, within the beat of a heart, tranquillity, peacefulness, even undiluted joy, swept into my dark world for a visit. Entirely lit up with unconditional love this, high test, introduction to the absolutely purity of beingness had kick started in me a lifelong search to define the true spirit of love.

Slowly, but surely, my search for love would reveal how almost everything I believed about myself, as well my reality, would end turned upon its head.

Accordingly, this book will portray my journey from the depth of youthful despair, to the bliss of unity consciousness. Powerful as the 'awakening' was, I regretfully discovered my character would require many years of attention prior to successfully tipping scales of self hate toward self love. The trek proved difficult, results slow to arrive.

Dedicated learning, steady reflection, the persistence of an ass, all spiced by the passage of time had finally given rise to a life free from the shackles of fear. However grand was the sense of a greater self, without the hero of this tale, love, all efforts toward the ultimate salvation of my spirit would have been for nought.

Through the infinite power of love I was reborn into the realisation my true identity, as well yours, is that of an eternal GodSelf child.

With the speed and agility of a slimy slug, the 'awakening' had launched me on a path out of the proverbial pit of despair. Many years later, having witnessed miracles, learned lessons, amassed insight, I found myself afforded a second glimpse of unconditional love. Salvation at last! Uninhibited by doubt of my spiritual identity, I was free to undertake the glorious task of releasing the deepest scars of self hate. Finally, made available to me were the requisite tools needed to heal the trauma of a shattered past. Love, baking in the oven of time, had made me whole.

Love does conquer all!

My wish is to share a philo-spiritual map for your consideration. Wisdom accrued from a wealth of great thinkers who eloquently espouse psychological, theological, spiritual, scientific, philosophical and shamanic references to the character of love. Tempering traditional esoteric knowledge in the forge of modern science, I hope a generous dollop of logic might allow me to carve footholds up Love mountain. Although books provide beautiful gifts. Spiritual or psychological inroads are not always gleaned from literary reference alone.

The process of searching for love requires considerable self reflection. By example, my life drastically changed when finally I decided to pay attention to the mumblings of my mind, or shall I say monkey mind. Utterly flabbergasted were my sentiments when first realising how much fear covertly echoed in the backdrop of my subconscious. Faithfully tasking a part of my psyche as the steadfast 'Observer' of mind chatter, I finally found a reliable path toward muting the daily damage orchestrated by the little nameless voice.

Even while the ObserverSelf toiled, negativity escaping the darkened recesses of my mind still found a home in my subconscious. However persistent was the monkey mind, my ObserverSelf could now, at the very least, hold forth each rant as an opportunity to convert toxic waste into a learning lesson. Thus, where once my restless mind could only invoke social upheaval, in time, the cantankerous monkey, in service of the ObserverSelf, proved a valuable asset for navigating the road to heightened self awareness.

Alchemy of the heart, manure raises the rose, vinegar magically transforms into honey.

How do you deal with the voice in your head?

Certainly, it is not easy to effectively manage the magical monkey as he or she paints a dramatic tableaux upon the blank canvas of your perception. Trust me when I suggest, with patient awareness, you too can forge a positive working relationship with your monkey mind. Considering the power our derisive partner has to wreak maya in our lives, I find it incomprehensible how anyone could afford to idly ignore its presence.

Freshly paved psychoanalytic surfaces similar to encouraging a friendship with my monkey mind or introducing an observant ally, each in their own way and time, helped me calm rough emotional waters. In the event a lesson was missed I could, at the very least, find myself present as the upheaval pours forth.

Chasing love with dreams for a better tomorrow. The butterfly emerges from a cocoon to witness, for the first time, glorious rays of sunlight. Realising my good fortune, I can't help but imagine how my life might have turned out if I never escaped the angry, hateful pit of fear. Each day, as I discover a deeper acquaintance with love, my life sweetens.

Herein lies the primary reason I feel compelled to share my story of psycho-spiritual salvation. Appreciating the value of each tiny morsel of knowledge, I am excited by the mere thought of how, within these lines, a budding spiritualist might discover a sliver of light. Indeed, I would feel magically blessed if somehow this book offered a modicum of peace or hope to one who struggles with a severe personality disorder.

Mostly, if you hate yourself, I completely understand the depth of your plight. Unreservedly, I hope this book will illustrate for you, the best way to hunt the beast might be to listen to its pernicious voice. When you hear it rant, try to remember the magical monkey is just dancing with you. The true glory of the monkey is in its relentless desire to teach another lesson.   

For me as for you, love promises a richer, more peaceful, tomorrow. I can't help but wonder what would the world look like if we all believed love was all there is? Join me at the esoteric intersection where science, spirituality and philosophy meet for a coffee. Let's see if we can figure out a little more about this thing of ours, this thing we call love.

I dedicate this book to my dear mother Bernice, a beautiful spirit whose light forever brightens my path.


Love a journey toward an indefinable destination.
Saharan mirage is love, tantalisingly, she rests against an intangible horizon.
Subdued voices continue to echo the promise of a glorious oasis, the dream.
Dancing upon an Eastern horizon, light patiently attends the arrival of darkness.

Tread weary asses  carve another solitary path through starlit dunes.
Grains of sand relentlessly etch grooves in the wheel bearings of my lifelong pursuit.
Rickety is the wobbling carriage, ever still the awakening of my soul remains elusive.
Nonetheless, in the adjacent seat I see hope remains a steadfast companion.

Fear holds the reins, he resists love who has whispered the hint of a new path.
Courting the vision of light fantastic, wheels have carved in the sand traces of oft formed circles.
Unchallenged is the ultimate destination, yet, I see treasure has been unearthed.
Strewn about restless dunes, diamonds caress the dim light of a quietly fading moon.

Years later, snow draped across the mountaintop, these jewels speak of a magical simplicity.
Begging my consideration, each diamond points directly at unity consciousness.
Division holds no sway in the moment I have become, another point of you, a singularity.
Compassionately, love offers a gentle hand to fear... they embrace.

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