April fourth will mark my two year anniversary as a blogger. I have taken great pleasure in sharing my thoughts, feelings and emotions with the world. As well, I feel extremely fortunate to have become privy to the copious information accumulated in the video content below. Faithful followers of my writing understand well, my focus is to afford the regular reader a path to unconditional love. I believe the greatest strength of my site is in the video content. I often maintain, the video compilation is designed to act as a puzzle. Each piece, has been carefully selected, as an integral part of the whole. The focus, is to take the uninitiated through a cleansing of mind so that illusion can be seen. Peeling the onion of deceit, we slowly open locked doors which, in turn, allow us to forge a new construct of reality and self. I have always suggested, if one is asleep, they need only assemble all these pieces of the puzzle and their life would transform. Alas, as is often the case, this great archive of information lies mostly dormant as billions of televisions flicker in darkened rooms.
In my blog writing, I try to augment the video content by offering a humble perspective on reality and unconditional love. I endeavor to tie science and spiritual truth together so that both left and right brain may become stimulated. My desire is that my work should be thought provoking, interesting and entertaining, thereby causing the reader to pause, reflect and discover. I take great pleasure in communing with my brethren, thanking each of you who choose to partake in my little blog odyssey. To commemorate this imminent anniversary, I wanted to write a special blog. For a long while, my wife has suggested I write a blog about how I discovered my GodSelf. For myself, my darling wife and you the reader this is that story. Each day from Now until the fourth I will add another miracle.
'Tripping Over God' ( four short stories of GodSelf being )
When presented with the miraculous we naturally envision divine intervention. Samuel L Jackson and John Travolta offer, for our amusement, a good example of this enigma in the movie Pulp Fiction. Shortly after their characters experience a miraculous event, they toy with concepts of divinity. I do not believe divine intervention exists as portrayed in the movie, whereas a benevolent God intercedes on behalf of self or others. In my matrix of reality I feel the miraculous can present itself as a function of only two ingredients, fate and GodSelf will. Note, there is no relationship whatsoever to a third party benevolent God. The explanation I give for this denial of God's presence is that I do not perceive God to be separate from self. God, as humanity defines God, does not exist. Only GodSelf exists, this manifestation we can define as eternal consciousness. There is only ONE God, you are that being. God did not create you, God became you. God did not create the tree, God became the tree. God did not create the universe, God became the universe. For decades, I could not see the tree for the forest, these are stories of personal enlightenment and empowerment of my GodSelf being.
Miracle 1./ Born Again: GodSelf Saying Hello
Sitting in the pew every Sunday I listened, with great interest, to the sermon of our priest. My interest was stimulated by the many foul inaccuracies spewed by this most revered man. Etched in my memory, I can see a little boy, sparkling clean, pondering why only Catholics could go to heaven. Why does God seem to be so jealous, judgmental, uncaring and brutal? Why does God answer some peoples prayers and not others? If God loves us, why is the world full of misery?
Most of all, what if I were born into Jewish or Muslim home like some of my friends? These thoughts continually preyed on my peace of mind. I remember thinking about the concept of only 144,000 souls making it to heaven. The number actually makes sense if you know your bible. Those who do not believe in the virgin Mary, Jesus and the trinity will not make it. Those who sin against the father without repent, will end up in hell or purgatory. Those who have not been baptized will not see heaven. Those who have not accepted communion, eating of the flesh and drinking of the blood of our saviour Jesus Christ, will certainly not enjoy a place at his table. The list of dis-qualifiers seems endless, total it all up in the mind of a ten year old boy, like I said, 144,000 makes sense. What most certainly did not make sense, even to a ten year old, is that billions of people should perish in hell and purgatory.
Take a calculator and divide 144,000 into six billion, I did.( of course, now there are 7 billion )The answer will tell you .000024 percent of the world will make it to heaven therefore 99.999976% of all people will end up somewhere other than heaven. With this fact in place, I looked around my little world to verify if the number made sense. What did I find, our church served a community of about 10,000 souls. We had maybe 150 people in church any give Sunday. Of the attendees, not all performed the essential and regular ritual communion, maybe 50 or so did. I asked myself, of those 50, how many would commit sin during the week and die before having the chance to repent that sin before God on Sunday communion. My guess was about 5 people in our community would have a chance at heaven. One big factor keeping the number down was the fact we sin during the week. Therefore, the way my little brain sorted this dilemma, each week we have sins to repent, so it was unlikely we could make it to Tuesday without darkening our soul with sins of the mind or acts of will against divine law. I figured about 10% of good, God fearing Catholics, would be lucky enough to die on a Sunday or Monday. By my simple reasoning, and having properly evaluated this from a global and local perspective, I had to agree the bible must be right. I divided 5 into 10,000 and came up with .0005 wow this number meant I was wrong, people sin quicker than I thought. It appeared a good Catholic would have to die sometime Sunday afternoon or soon after mass.
This meant I was probably not going to heaven nor was anyone I knew. Only about two or maybe three people in our town would get to heaven and our priest was surely one of them. How do you think a little boy would react to this self constructed empirical evidence? Not well is the answer, I could not accept a religion or a God who could be so cruel. By simple reasoning, I was left with the crushing fact my entire family would not see heaven. Also, how could adults, even our priest always say the person who just died went to heaven.
Did they not work out the math?
Fact was, if the rapture happened, there would be little room left at God's table once all the priests and nuns took their seats.
If this was the way God showed us his love, then why should I love him?
I still believed in God, but I could no longer accept the words of our priest or the ethos of Catholicism.
By the age of 19 I was finishing up my first year of college. In order to pay for school I had to work a 40 hour week. The demanding course load, coupled with a full time job left me in an emotional and physical mess. I had passed out twice from malnutrition and fatigue. I was barely able to complete a days work, let alone keep up to the necessary revisions for exams. My girlfriend represented the glue which held everything together. Finishing the school year, we went our separate ways, as a result, my world began unraveling proper.
I found myself working for a logging company as a tree planter. The camp life was nice, but the labor was exhausting. Having not yet recovered from school, I was struggling to keep my job. Early one morning, about 3am, I found myself dealing with a physical and mental breakdown. Trying my best to stifle sobs proved useless as I woke my friend sleeping in the bunk adjacent me. This friend I speak of had latched onto me soon after my arrival at the camp. My emaciated appearance, sunken cheeks with vacant eyes spoke clearly of serious problems. My friend, being a Christian, gravitated like a magnet to the role of self appointed saviour of my soul.
Although a tone of condescension lingers in these word it has no place, for it was his intervention which led to my first experience of the miraculous. It was in this vortex of despair I heard him utter
the words he was so fond of parroting.
"Chris, just ask Jesus for help, what harm could it do."
Asking Jesus for anything was not in my nature. With just cause, I had forsaken the church. I was not going down that road again, not on my life. But then again, I was in no shape to pick and choose where help came from. I couldn't sleep nor keep down food. My heart ached for my girlfriend, it felt like I was quickly racing to some, not so distant, point of no return.
With head spinning, I closed my eyes and begged God for help. The simple sentence I uttered is forever etched in my mind. " God if you are out there, please, please help me. "
Upon completion of that plea, my entire world changed. The best description I can offer is that a wave of love enveloped my entire being. For the duration of the early morning, the sensation felt like my body was lifted about two feet above the bed. No thoughts raced through my mind, nor was my environment present. I just floated in stasis, oblivious to all but the love coursing through me. The aches and pains of suffering under depleted reserves disappeared completely. The distress of my girlfriends absence passed, which was no small feat in the mind of a 19 year old boy. Without pause or consideration I can honestly say it proved to represent the second most powerful experience of my life. More importantly, it was the first miracle I had ever witnessed firsthand.
The change in me was staggering to say the least. I arose at 6am spending an hour or so in the forest. My body felt better than it ever had. I savored this fresh green world, drinking in the smells and sights with the intensity of a starving man at a buffet. I was happy as a lark, possibly the happiest I have ever been. I can never remember a time when I was more content, alive and vibrant. I made my way to the cook house for breakfast, my friend spied my entrance encouraging me to sit next to him.
"What happened to you, you're different." Commented my pal as I plopped down next to him with a grin a Cheshire cat would admire.
"I'm not altogether sure " was the only reply I could muster.
We talked about the entire experience between bites of toast and runny eggs. He deduced that I had been born again. Having no reference for such a staggering event, I was compelled to agree. Later in the day he passed on a copy of the bible, warmly signed with well wishes for my day of rebirth.
I poured over the bible in earnest, devouring every utterance of Jesus with a passion I had never known. By the end of that summer I found myself at an impasse; reason would not let me accept scripture, therefore, I determined my spiritual pursuit required more dimension. I no longer just vaguely believed in God. From that moment forward, I knew, in the depths of my heart, a benevolent God did in fact exist. When one transcends the chains of a belief structure in favour of a knowing, one is finally able to grasp, from the heart, truth which is hidden by the secular merry go around of lies.
I dove into all world religions with keen zealousness. Each page of a new text revealing a mixture of lies and truth. Searching for the same unadulterated truth and love I had felt that fateful day, yet always unable to touch its magnificence. I could see my personality erode back into the banal constructs of ego, nothing seemed to stem the gradual but steady departure from GodSelf.
In the course of a decade, I realised my thirst could not be sated by religion, more truth was needed. In time I came to realise the entire experience was not about being born again in the image of Catholicism. Rather I was born into my true GodSelf. The Saviour was not God or Jesus, rather it was my GodSelf expressing, for the first time, the great wealth of power which exists within.
In Lak' ech, my brethren, the voice in the woods spoke truth...