Friday, December 10, 2010
A Trinity Of Love...
The road less traveled is not a race track. Nor does it lead to a dais encouraging one to expound for profit the knowledge gained. Be gentle with your path, treat it as a lover; understanding, compassion, tenderness, respect and love without demand. There are times during our journey when we abandon all hope. Times when we turn our back in frustration. Times when we just wish to rest and reflect. As the years pass, the path itself seems to take on it's own life, history and identity. The path becomes a tangible being, a partner I very much wish to understand.
This partner is my GodSelf being. Like in the Bible with the father the son and the holy spirit. There seems to have formed in my persona a similar trinity of sorts. The GodSelf (the father), the EgoSelf (the son) and the observer (spirit). Let me further express this analogy is by no way meant to correlate or conform to biblical concepts of the trinity. The metaphor I describe today represents God as self. With that said I find each expression is equally significant as all three establish my perception of reality.
I take the time to express this concept so that you may have the grace to accept whichever expression you choose. GodSelf, Egoself and the Observer are all loving aspects of the ONE. In years past I have often beaten myself up needlessly in frustration as I see myself slip away from spiritual to material. Even more heartbreaking is a movement from spiritual to the banal (T.V.). Thirty years ago my path began. Silly as a babe, I thought the path to discover love would be easy. Twenty years ago I felt frustrated, it seemed impossible to even define love unless it was unconditional.
Would I ever find the truth of how to love?
Ten years ago I accepted that I would never discover unconditional love. Spiritual enlightenment was for those more dedicated, more deserving, more intelligent, more of something I was not. I honestly did not think my brain could absorb more spiritual mumbo jumbo. I had followed the thoughts of great masters, world religions, philosophers and scientists. I tried my best to cover a wide variety of ideas spanning a 3,000 year period. I felt I knew spirituality very well from the brain, alas my heart remained barren of unconditional love.
Why is this so hard?
The reason a search for unconditional love is so difficult is because sensations of gain are so very subtle. Gains in knowledge of the physical is significantly more rewarding. Whereas one reads enough books, one may define intellectual advancement in a specific field. You can say to yourself, I know much more about the quantum world today than five years a ago.
But how do you qualify advancements in love?
You either love unconditionally or you don't. There is no middle ground in such a quest. You can search for decades only to sadly find no serious gain has been made. This lack of tangible reward can play havoc with your mind and spiritual stability.
How do we know unconditional love?
The funny thing is that you do not graduate from the mind to such a truth. You must know this truth from your heart.
Instead of books I chose to continue my search from within, I began to meditate much more. If you call it meditation, I call it deep thinking, because I really am terrible at Yogi type meditation. I decided to spend a few months pondering one question. The very same question I asked when I began.
How do I discover true love?
Following Yaqui Indian tradition of vision quests, I wanted to " form " the emotion of this one specific thought. I wanted to create a " wave " of emotional energy. Slowly over three months the wave grew in momentum, essentially this involved focusing intent. The intent I wished to develop was that I already knew the answer to my question. I would just open my heart to it's presence. The time was right, with the wave cresting, my wife and I set out for a week long camping trip.
Sitting under a starry canopy, the fire casting images dancing on the still lake we took LSD and magic mushrooms. My wife enough for a great high, whilst I consumed enough to go beyond reality. Sitting by the fire I meditated upon my life's question. Information began drizzling down. I use this adjective deliberately, as it did feel like it was raining knowledge. I cried relentlessly for almost half an hour. All I could do was sway back and forth, continually thanking God for such blessings.
Regaining composure, I placed my hand in the middle of the fire, picking up an ember the size of a sparrows egg. I held the burning ember in my hand while I described to my wife what I saw. Visions of zeros and ones dancing up from the coal in an eternal transformation of love energy. Spending a few moments basking in the glory of this magnificent transformation left me awestruck. Placing the ember back in the fire, I transformed into the same love energy.
I became God.
For 8 hours I felt the wonderment of what it truly means to be ONE, to love unconditionally. In my confusion, I thought all humanity was morphing into a new dimension of unity reality. I turned to a tree, wrapped my arms around it and became the tree. I felt all the feelings of the tree, fully embraced in it's essence, I became the tree. During the experience, my heart learned in one night what my brain could not decifer in thirty years.
Although more than five years have passed, I have never since experienced such wonders. I have never attempted to relive or recreate this truth. In the end, I realised unconditional love is what I really am.
How very bizarre, searching with the brain relentlessly for thirty years all the time thinking I was getting nowhere. I could not see tangible results, but I would never give up. Unbenounced to me, my brain was learning to speak to my heart. By developing my understanding of science, philosophy, religion, and ancient spiritual knowledge I was learning a secret language. I never once knew that the fruits of my search was the discovery of heart language.
So what can one gain by learning this very specialised heart language?
We learn that the heart is so powerful, it need only whisper once. Three words from the heart " YOU ARE LOVE " will change your entire perception of reality.
My body and mind travel to many places meeting many people. Sometimes GodSelf whispers, sometimes EgoSelf roars, mostly the Observer discovers. EgoSelf continues to teach me lessons as I loose my way, of this I am grateful. I cannot say I reflect pure GodSelf, I cannot say I reflect pure EgoSelf, I cannot say I am merely the Observer. I am all three, I am an eternal trinity of GodSelf expression.
Although we have different paths to GodSelf we share many truths. There are countless ways to climb a mountain. We are not in competition, we are ONE. Time in fact is illusion, we are eternal. If we are to love others we must first learn to love ourselves.
Try and think of yourself as an eternal trinity. The GodSelf, the EgoSelf and the Observer of the NOW. These three beings will dance together and this we will call your reality.
They will teach and love each other, leading you ever closer to light. For now, ego may be your ruler, the observer may not exist. But remember, the GodSelf is always your true essence. In time the observer will become present and you will learn from the lessons ego teaches. Eventually your GodSelf will be discovered, you begin climbing the final mountain. A day will come when we all rejoice together in unity, one being, expressing only unconditional love.
When we climb a mountain there are times when we rest. Ego sees the rest as lost opportunity. Observer sees the rest as reflection. GodSelf sees there never was a mountain to climb. It is not possible to go astray, all choice is illusion. Whatever you manifest will always represent God dancing with God eternally in the NOW. You cannot improve, you are God right now, you are perfection. You can however discover your true identity, and you can always choose. You will climb the mountain at your own pace, in your own way. Accept all moments of manifest reality as divine, choose to love yourself and others, without reservation or condition. Choose to be the GodSelf you truly are. Remember all manifest experience is God dancing with God in the perfect eternal moment of NOW...
In Lak' esh, my beautiful brothers and sisters, we find there is only love...