Friday, 10 December 2010

A Trinity Of Love...

The road less traveled is not a race track. Nor does it lead to a dais encouraging one to expound for profit the knowledge gained. Be gentle with your path, treat it as a lover; understanding, compassion, tenderness, respect and love without demand. There are times during our journey when we abandon all hope. Times when we turn our back in frustration. Times when we just wish to rest and reflect. As the years pass, the path itself seems to take on it's own life, history and identity. The path becomes a tangible being, a partner I very much wish to understand.

This partner is my GodSelf being. Like in the Bible with the father the son and the holy spirit. There seems to have formed in my persona a similar trinity of sorts. The GodSelf (the father), the EgoSelf (the son) and the observer (spirit). Let me further express this analogy is by no way meant to correlate or conform to biblical concepts of the trinity. The metaphor I describe today represents God as self. With that said I find each expression is equally significant as all three establish my perception of reality.

I take the time to express this concept so that you may have the grace to accept whichever expression you choose. GodSelf, Egoself and the Observer are all loving aspects of the ONE. In years past I have often beaten myself up needlessly in frustration as I see myself slip away from spiritual to material. Even more heartbreaking is a movement from spiritual to the banal (T.V.). Thirty years ago my path began. Silly as a babe, I thought the path to discover love would be easy. Twenty years ago I felt frustrated, it seemed impossible to even define love unless it was unconditional.

Would I ever find the truth of how to love?

Ten years ago I accepted that I would never discover unconditional love. Spiritual enlightenment was for those more dedicated, more deserving, more intelligent, more of something I was not. I honestly did not think my brain could absorb more spiritual mumbo jumbo. I had followed the thoughts of great masters, world religions, philosophers and scientists. I tried my best to cover a wide variety of ideas spanning a 3,000 year period. I felt I knew spirituality very well from the brain, alas my heart remained barren of unconditional love.

Why is this so hard?

The reason a search for unconditional love is so difficult is because sensations of gain are so very subtle. Gains in knowledge of the physical is significantly more rewarding. Whereas one reads enough books, one may define intellectual advancement in a specific field. You can say to yourself, I know much more about the quantum world today than five years a ago.

But how do you qualify advancements in love?

You either love unconditionally or you don't. There is no middle ground in such a quest. You can search for decades only to sadly find no serious gain has been made. This lack of tangible reward can play havoc with your mind and spiritual stability.

How do we know unconditional love?

The funny thing is that you do not graduate from the mind to such a truth. You must know this truth from your heart.

Instead of books I chose to continue my search from within, I began to meditate much more. If you call it meditation, I call it deep thinking, because I really am terrible at Yogi type meditation. I decided to spend a few months pondering one question. The very same question I asked when I began.

How do I discover true love?

Following Yaqui Indian tradition of vision quests, I wanted to " form " the emotion of this one specific thought. I wanted to create a " wave " of emotional energy. Slowly over three months the wave grew in momentum, essentially this involved focusing intent. The intent I wished to develop was that I already knew the answer to my question. I would just open my heart to it's presence. The time was right, with the wave cresting, my wife and I set out for a week long camping trip.

Sitting under a starry canopy, the fire casting images dancing on the still lake we took LSD and magic mushrooms. My wife enough for a great high, whilst I consumed enough to go beyond reality. Sitting by the fire I meditated upon my life's question. Information began drizzling down. I use this adjective deliberately, as it did feel like it was raining knowledge. I cried relentlessly for almost half an hour. All I could do was sway back and forth, continually thanking God for such blessings.

Regaining composure, I placed my hand in the middle of the fire, picking up an ember the size of a sparrows egg. I held the burning ember in my hand while I described to my wife what I saw. Visions of zeros and ones dancing up from the coal in an eternal transformation of love energy. Spending a few moments basking in the glory of this magnificent transformation left me awestruck. Placing the ember back in the fire, I transformed into the same love energy.

I became God.

For 8 hours I felt the wonderment of what it truly means to be ONE, to love unconditionally. In my confusion, I thought all humanity was morphing into a new dimension of unity reality. I turned to a tree, wrapped my arms around it and became the tree. I felt all the feelings of the tree, fully embraced in it's essence, I became the tree. During the experience, my heart learned in one night what my brain could not decifer in thirty years.

Although more than five years have passed, I have never since experienced such wonders. I have never attempted to relive or recreate this truth. In the end, I realised unconditional love is what I really am.

How very bizarre, searching with the brain relentlessly for thirty years all the time thinking I was getting nowhere. I could not see tangible results, but I would never give up. Unbenounced to me, my brain was learning to speak to my heart. By developing my understanding of science, philosophy, religion, and ancient spiritual knowledge I was learning a secret language. I never once knew that the fruits of my search was the discovery of heart language.

So what can one gain by learning this very specialised heart language?

We learn that the heart is so powerful, it need only whisper once. Three words from the heart " YOU ARE LOVE " will change your entire perception of reality.

My body and mind travel to many places meeting many people. Sometimes GodSelf whispers, sometimes EgoSelf roars, mostly the Observer discovers. EgoSelf continues to teach me lessons as I loose my way, of this I am grateful. I cannot say I reflect pure GodSelf, I cannot say I reflect pure EgoSelf, I cannot say I am merely the Observer. I am all three, I am an eternal trinity of GodSelf expression.


Although we have different paths to GodSelf we share many truths. There are countless ways to climb a mountain. We are not in competition, we are ONE. Time in fact is illusion, we are eternal. If we are to love others we must first learn to love ourselves.

Try and think of yourself as an eternal trinity. The GodSelf, the EgoSelf and the Observer of the NOW. These three beings will dance together and this we will call your reality.

They will teach and love each other, leading you ever closer to light. For now, ego may be your ruler, the observer may not exist. But remember, the GodSelf is always your true essence. In time the observer will become present and you will learn from the lessons ego teaches. Eventually your GodSelf will be discovered, you begin climbing the final mountain. A day will come when we all rejoice together in unity, one being, expressing only unconditional love.

When we climb a mountain there are times when we rest. Ego sees the rest as lost opportunity. Observer sees the rest as reflection. GodSelf sees there never was a mountain to climb. It is not possible to go astray, all choice is illusion. Whatever you manifest will always represent God dancing with God eternally in the NOW. You cannot improve, you are God right now, you are perfection. You can however discover your true identity, and you can always choose. You will climb the mountain at your own pace, in your own way. Accept all moments of manifest reality as divine, choose to love yourself and others, without reservation or condition. Choose to be the GodSelf you truly are. Remember all manifest experience is God dancing with God in the perfect eternal moment of NOW...

In Lak' esh, my beautiful brothers and sisters, we find there is only love...


  1. This is very comforting. I've found that life is a process of stripping away the layers through realizations one after another. It's so hard to realize the true meaning and maintain the awareness of unconditional love, but that seems to be the end goal to this reality. I've found myself staying away from books of knowledge more and more recently and going within and attempting to connect directly with God.

  2. brother, you've worded your invitation to the Path so beautifully. as it has been repeated so many times, the only Path is where we can be "perfect as the Father in Heaven is perfect".

  3. Namaste, sister Jenny. Thank you for your visit. By no means do I diminish the need and value of great books. I can't imagine where I would be without that part of my life. However, in the end, the deepest realisations must be found from searching within. It can be very easy to get in the habit of gaining knowledge from others. Especially when your scope of knowledge is as limited as mine. I too am dedicated to connecting much more well to my GodSelf.

    In Lak' esh, my sister, seeking answers.

  4. Namaste my brother Sito. Always such a pleasure to have you stop by. I know where you are coming from and I certainly agree. I don't accept there is a Father. More certainly there is no Heaven in my perception of reality. I believe we are perfect already, there is no need to improve.

    With that said, I trust we all would benefit from gaining a true understanding of our GodSelf nature. This knowledge is developed simply from choice and dedication.
    I know you well enough Sito to see this is what you are trying to convey.

    In Lak' esh, my brother, you are the God you adore, heaven awaits at your feet NOW...

  5. You speak the language of the Gods. I pray your journey continues in discovering the true God self within. You are spreading the word of our great spiritual leaders. We pray as brothers and sisters of the universe that someday this energy of oneness will touch each and every soul. We are the great I Am.

    Thank you for sharing your heart. Namaste

  6. Thank you for your visit and kind words sister NaNa. I hope that you are enjoying good health today. Best regards with your one year shot at good health my sister I know you will make it.

    In Lak' esh, sister NANA, peace be with you...

  7. I too find my path is like "stripping away layers" to reveal the golden heart within - the true self. It is like the sun trying to shine through thick clouds - it gradually burns away the cloud, and breaks through into full radiance. So long as we don't keep adding more clouds....

  8. Hello my brother Deepian. Thank you for stopping by. I very much like the analogy of the sun diffusing the clouds. Go well my brother, prosper in your truth.

    By the way, I found something very odd. I have tried a few times to include your fine work in my blog roll. However it will not take. I have even tried reloading your url a few times. You photo is easy to spot so I don't mind clicking from your photo. None the less it is very weird.

    In Lak' esh, my brother, peace and love...

  9. Beautiful words! Thank you for your comments on my own writings. You have many great insights on here; I'm glad we've crossed paths on-line here. :)
    You had a beautiful experience with the mushrooms and LSD. I'd had a similar experience a few summers ago. However, there was a very disturbing side to it as well.
    I had taken mushrooms out in the woods where I live. At the peak of their effect, amazing things were happening. It was like the forest was truly alive...I know it's alive, but it became visibly and tangibly living--I could see the energy coursing through every living thing like golden pulsing waves. And the most extraordinary feeling of unity and love flowing through all the cosmos.
    After a bit, however, I saw my reflection, and everything changed. It was as though I saw all the negativity I held about myself, and it was staring me back in the face. And beyond that--nothing. Void. Emptiness. I began to vomit violently. And still after that, I felt and perceived nothing but emptiness...gaping abyss like the jaws to oblivion under everything.
    Perhaps it was just your standard "bad trip", but it's taken some time for me to integrate that... These plants are such a shortcut to mystical insight...perhaps it was too much of a shortcut for me...I wasn't ready to perceive Emptiness so directly so quickly.
    Perhaps you have some thoughts on this...
    thank you again
    Peace, brother

  10. 3 Part reply...

    Namaste my brother Seachránaí. I have been on well over one hundred trips and fortunately I have never had a bad experience as you have described. I have morphed into everything from GodSelf to Luke SkyWalker and I know very well your experience.

    It took me years before I could look into a mirror while on hallucinogenics. I am no Timothy Leary, however I have thought greatly on this very subject. After all, it is no fun taking the time in the middle of a great trip to remind yourself how much of a dick you can be.

    After significant contemplation over many years I feel relatively confident I understand why we do this.

    I believe that when we take a trip we expand our ability to grasp duality experientially. If we look closely at duality we can synthesise this expression to it's root, which is love and fear.
    Understanding this as the scale by which duality is measured, we can then easily see the magnification of duality in your experience.

    You took yourself to your maxim for both poles. Your experience of perceiving the Quantum life force in fauna represents the expression of GodSelf. In these moments you allowed your GodSelf to view the universe as it really is. However looking in the mirror gave your EgoSelf a chance to see the darker side of dualistic expression.
    Like Einstein said " Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. "

    Shortly after writing his theory of relativity, Einstein gave us the aforementioned little pearl of wisdom. Of course he is referring to the quantum world of photon energy. We all live under the illusion physicality is the basis for reality. However, we know scientifically, that photon light energy is the essence of all reality and that mass is merely and illusion created by the motion of the atom.

    During your GodSelf moments you perceived your reality beyond illusion. In essence you experienced the Fauna as energy not physicality. Conversely, when you looked in the mirror, lake or wherever you determined the reflection, you experienced the depth of darkness known to man, EgoSelf. Ironically, I do believe that if you had taken a larger dose you would have probably never made it to the mirror.

    All reality is dualistic, this includes your perception of yourself. You know there are two beings within you, the mushrooms illustrated that fact. In essence your GodSelf and EgoSelf both roared their presence.

  11. I have often wished to experience a " bad trip " but to be honest, I am afraid to go down that road. I have looked in the mirror many times while tripping. Each time I experienced exactly what you did. However unlike yourself, I never had the courage to release the beast. I remember one trip especially well. Staring into my reflection berating myself while at the same time trying to discover the nature of the beast within. I ended up on my ass with butterflies in my belly and decided I could not retry the experiment. As years passed and the trips piled on, my spiritual self grew to dominate my EgoSelf and the mirror no longer offered a reflection of ego. Now I look in the mirror while high and I see only GodSelf. In fact, all my trips are journeys of only GodSelf, EgoSelf just gets pushed aside.

    Now, for my favorite part of your trip. You broke through a major illusion when you experienced the void or, as you mention, the abyss. Many people perceive this experience as an eternal tunnel of nothingness. I have experienced these feelings often in meditation. I have never developed my ability to control meditative experience. By example, I can't astral travel, have out of body experience, or much intentional control. I think it is fair to say I am a rookie at best. With that said I have the ability to intentionally perceive nothingness. The problem is that every time I arrive at nothingness I start to leave body and feel like I am going to vomit. Without exception this nasty sensation pulls me out of the moment. None the less, it is a destination I love because it is the only way I know to experience my " eternal " self.

    Very few people have the ability to understand their self as eternal consciousness. Most people are trapped by the illusions deliberately preprogrammed by the power elite. Society and our five senses confirm these many illusions, so there is little opportunity for people to " know " the truth of their reality. If you further reflect on your experience of nothingness, I think you will agree that the moment " felt " eternal. More to the point, it should have felt like an " eternal NOW moment ". Like in the parables of Jesus. " I am the Alpha and the Omega, I am everything and nothing. "
    Well my brother, you experienced both the everything and the nothing.

  12. In conclusion, I trust this experience holds for you an ability to incorporate these truths at a later date. In time you will dwell on this experience and come to understand that NO part of this trip was bad. Let us look at your gains.

    1./ You have experienced what it is like to harness the power of your GodSelf. Due to this experience your heart is open to the discovery of truth beyond illusion.

    2./ You have discovered that matter is really not physical at all. Rather it is a quantum field of photon energy.

    3./ You have discovered the trinity this blog speaks of. Within you the GodSelf experienced the field. The EgoSelf appeared in the mirror. The Observer is the part of self which is still trying to understand what EgoSelf and GodSelf were teaching.

    4./ You experienced how Godself and EgoSelf make the physical body respond. Fear creates disharmony and ill health. Love creates expansion and health. All cells in our body expand and contract steadily as they respond to our thoughts, feeling and emotions.

    5./ You learned that time, space and physicality are illusions. I iterate that you did not mention the emptiness as eternal but I believe you will agree those feelings existed. We are not the body, we are eternal GodSelf consciousness. The experience of nothingness allows us to " know " that truth in the heart not just the mind.

    6./ Your heart has whispered and you are learning the importance of listening. We can read thousands of books and never learn a damn thing. How smart can we consider ourselves if we cannot see illusion? The only way to truly " know " reality is to comprehend the language of the heart. The problem people have is that they never let their heart speak, always they speak with their mind. You can now use your mind to discover, but all your discovery now will be incorporated into your heart as well. Why is this important. Well you love quantum physics. When someone like Einstein tells you reality is an illusion, your mind can say yes it is. Your heart can say YES IT IS.

    The take home from this one experience was amazing. I would not have traded in any part of it. I respect the fact vomiting on oneself is not what one envisions when taking some shrooms on a sunny afternoon. However, if that is the cost of learning such great truth then I say your toll was minimal.

    Thank you for sharing your experience, I knew we would have much in common.

    In lak' esh, my brother, love is all there is...all else is illusion...

  13. I've heard of this Godself before, vaguely in another place. I remember it sparking a strong interest and truth in me, and I never went further than that.

    I've come to a place in my life where I feel like there are greater ideals to seek than I have in the past. You're post is enlightening and makes me question my own life and experiences. The way I sometimes throw powerful experiences to the wind and turn myself to the materialism that presses around me.

    With love, brother, with love.

  14. Namaste my sister Amanda. Such a pleasure to have you visit. I am sure the break from school will be long welcome. From reading your past posts I see you have a great deal on your plate. Often we find it difficult to really delve into the spark of truth you mention. In this crazy paced world it seems impossible to make time for the little sparks we feel inside.

    However we need not dedicate time, as much as we just need to pay a little more attention to our thoughts, feelings and emotions. By bringing the Observer into our reality we can quickly change our quality of life.

    In Lak' esh, my sister, building a home of love...

  15. From Emily Dickinson:

    "That I have loved
    I give thee proof
    That until I loved
    I did not love enough."

  16. Namaste my brother Billy Joe. Thank you for this lovely quote.

    In Lak' esh, my brother, love prevails...